Our Wacky World—4/20/2015

Stan Freberg has died at the age of 88. Here are some of his classic moments. A piece of my childhood gone.

Can't be bothered with peer review? Don't have time to hold a pesky press conference? Now you too can declaim pseudoscience like a Pharisee at the temple with a simple advertisement:

“In conclusion, the Ockham’s razor interpretation of Hubble’s redshift relation shows unequivocally that galaxies are in fact everywhere receding away from a nearby center in a spherically symmetric pattern, which is none other than God’s throne...at the true center of the universe, a fact which God obviously designed at the Genesis creation 6000 years ago...”

Take that, atheists. (Pharyngula)


Boy, you can tell this guy's a Christian with a capital X:

'“Then you take a sharp knife and take his manhood and hold it in front of him and say, ‘Wouldn’t it be something if [there] was something wrong with this?’” Robertson said. “’But you’re the one who says there is no God, there’s no right, there’s no wrong, so we’re just having fun. We’re sick in the head, have a nice day.’'

'Mr. Robertson would do better to keep his twisted pornographic fantasies about atheists being raped and murdered to himself. If that is his idea of how to conduct himself at a prayer breakfast, he will create more converts to atheism than he will for his cruel brand of graphic, self-righteous Christianity.'

Whose dick (not just the end of it, the entire dick) would Jesus joke about cutting off? (Politicus USA)

Finally, the true story can be told:

'Palin has been hand picked and groomed by Global Mgt. Team (“GMT”) before she was a child –this NSA-CIA “controlled asset” was hidden far away from the masses, in the tiny town of Wasilla. Palin was being trained (prog’md) by sadistic neurosurgeons, behavioral scientists, psychiatrists and psychologists working w/in Monarch Prog under aegis of NSA-CIA Military-Industrial-Apparatus and no expense was spared — Hollywood acting coaches, voice coaches and stylists were contracted to make the Alaskan MK’d Kitten sparkle! This was after years of “grooming” — first as Mrs. Wasilla, then runner -up in Mrs. Alaska pageant...methodically and skillfully layered in her “alters” (mind files) IAW-SOP rape/torture/trauma, for use in Hollywood scripted fantasy narrative of “local hometown girl makes good”... launching her meteoric rise in Alaskan political circles — then her grand entrance on natl. stage, to mesmerize electorate, capture hearts/minds of GOP evangelical base, as their first woman VP candidate, and current role as chief antagonist to Obama/ left-wing of phony political paradigm.

'As planned, she performed this “social alchemy” brilliantly. Palin’s unique blend of folksiness, brashness, quirky combativeness, stinging humor, “look-at-me” mannerisms and overt sexiness, knocked voters out! However, as one begins to pull the threads of her fictitious political resume, it quickly becomes clear, “the character” named Sarah L. Palin was carefully constructed to check off boxes on GOP candidate application – the attraction is pure cult of personality…'

"NO ONE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE!" (Intheknow7's Blog)


Another suitable case for treatment:

"Q: So it wasn’t just Wi-Fi that was making you sick at this point? 

A: No, my theory is that once you become affected by the radiation, something happens to the nervous system and it recognizes the radiation as a threat and then reacts to warn the body that something is wrong. So while the first reaction was to wireless, I then started to react to anything with vibrations, anything that the nervous system detected, so I started to be affected by electricity, then light and sound."

"Q: Do you think your friends and your family take you seriously? Have they ever doubted your condition? 

A: I’m articulate and I can explain the science behind everything, so I haven’t encountered that much doubt."

Yet another classic example of getting the cause mixed up with the symptoms. Greenbank is going to be overrun soon at this rate. (NYmag)

Fuck sympathetic magic

"There are a lot of terrible arguments against same-sex marriage, but this may be the worst: The Supreme Court must not protect gay couples’ marriages, because doing so would demean marriages between gay men and their wives."

Slate


Moving closer to an explanation for Near-death Experiences:

"The many experiences described by survivors of cardiac arrest — people revived even after their hearts stopped beating, sometimes for many minutes — include moving through a tunnel toward a white light, greeting relatives no longer alive, and overhearing conversations between family members in another room. A new study from the University of Michigan Medical School shows how the brain sends signals to the heart in the moments before death. It is this flurry of mental activity that is key to cardiac demise, the researchers say, and quite probably the foundation of near-death experiences as well."

Doubtful News

Also:

'The LifeWay Christian bookstore chain sells some of the most popular books in the genre of spiritual faith. The store, however, will no longer sell any book about contemporary people returning from heaven after a near-death experience. ...the chain decided to pull from their shelves the entire category of so-called “experiential testimonies,” such as the popular The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven, which was recently recalled by the publisher after the co-author recanted his story.'

TBO

The gay Muslimificaiton of America started when Reagan was president:

"There are countless studies showing that feminine-type behavior produces an excess of estrogen in men… the left has fallen in love with the masculinity of Islam… after a 30- or 40-year epidemic of leftism that has swept its sordid stain across America, we’ve become much more feminized and we are attracted to the masculine strength and brutality of Islam. This is the girl in the high school being attracted to the bad, tough guy and that’s really what’s happening."

Breitbart Unmasked


Voting machines in Virginia have been found to be insecure (no fucking shit):

'Why can't the vendor fix the machines, you may well ask? Because it's no longer around, Epstein says. Its domain is now owned "by a Chinese organization of some sort."'

Sophos

Longer version with greater technical detail:

'Mr. Epstein reportedly stated the WinVote system “would get an F-” in security."

Turley's Blog

Bitcoin awakens inner larceny:

'The US Department of Justice has accused two federal agents of stealing more than a million dollars in Bitcoins during the Silk Road investigation. Former Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) agent Carl Force and former Secret Service agent Shaun Bridges have been charged with theft of government property; wire fraud; money laundering; and a conflict of interest"

The Register


Meanwhile, on reddit.com:

"The subpoena appears to be the first hint of a federal investigation of the recently defunct massive online market known as Evolution, which sold drugs, weapons, and stolen financial details. All five targets of the subpoena were involved, to varying degrees, in the Reddit discussion of that black market’s abrupt disappearance two weeks ago, in which two top administrators apparently absconded with millions of dollars worth of bitcoin belonging to Evolution’s buyers and sellers."

Wired

"Chess champ booted for allegedly cheating with iPod app in the loo"

The Register

"Why Don't Animals Get Schizophrenia?"

Scientific American


Obamacare…works:

"It is telling that, having lost every substantive argument about the law’s operation, their sole remaining refuge is an argument about its perception. It’s true: Their lies got halfway around the world before the truth could get its pants on. Indeed, if you google most of the factual disputes I discuss above, you’ll get a lot more hits from conservatives making hysterical and false predictions than you will find from reports showing those predictions failed to come true. Those myths still hold enormous sway over public opinion. Far more Americans believe Obamacare has death panels, which is false, than believe its costs have come in under projections, which is true. Conservatives have won the propaganda war over Obamacare. The trouble is that they think this is an indictment of Obamacare, when in fact it’s an indictment of them."

NYmag

Our Wacky World—3/21/2015

Hunter attacked by Bigfoot:

"The hunter fought back as best he could. He found his arms were hardly moving, but if he tucked his elbows close, he had some wrist and hand mobility. He would later learn that both his shoulders had been dislocated while he was unconscious."

Oregon Live

"My name is Andy Nicholls, and for 30 years, I was an active football hooligan… I was classified as a Category C risk to the authorities. I'm not bragging, but that is as high as you can get. I have served prison sentences for my involvement, and I've been deported from countries all over Europe and banned from attending football matches at home and abroad more times than I can remember.
"I will tell you another thing: When I was bang at it, I loved every [fucking] minute of it."

Bleacher Report

'Murders are up nearly 17% from last year, shootings have increased by 23%, and the marijuana trade is to blame, according to NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton. "...people are killing each other over marijuana more so than anything that we had to deal with an '80s and '90s with heroin and cocaine"'

What a fucking idiot. Must be smoking something. (Gothamist)

An epidemic of narcissistic children with foolish parents:

'...what we found was that parents who overvalue, they think their child is very smart but in reality, the child isn't smarter than others… the researchers made up book titles such as "The Tale of Benson Bunny" and names of newsmakers such as "Queen Alberta" and asked the parents if their children knew them…. Lo and behold, the parents who overvalued their kids said their children were familiar with things -- such as books or people -- that didn't even exist."'

CNN

"Carl Sagan is arguably science's biggest rockstar—the ultimate champion for logic and reason. Which makes it all the more painful to find out that his son is a vehement 9/11 truther."

My first thought was "it had to be Lynn, not Anne," and the second paragraph confirmed that. The apple didn't fall very far from the tree. (Gizmodo)


Chivalry:

"A man punched a pregnant woman, tossed her to the ground, kicked her and told her he was going to kill her baby — all because she didn't thank him for holding the door"

DNAinfo

'A Polish priest claims to be receiving text messages from Satan after performing an exorcism on a teenage girl. "The author of these texts is an evil spirit who has possessed her soul. Often the owners of mobile phones are not even aware that they are being used like this."'

CP Europe

"An Indian spiritual guru-turned- movie-star allegedly convinced up to 400 men to castrate themselves because it would bring them closer to God."

The Rakyat Post

"The Dalai Lama was denounced Monday by the Chinese-appointed governor of Tibet after suggesting that he will not be reincarnated. Tibetan Buddhists believe that the souls of their leaders are reborn in children upon death, and the People's Republic of China -- an officially atheistic regime -- has said the religious tradition must continue."

IB Times

"The North Carolina man accused of handcuffing and chaining an 11-year-old boy by his ankle to a porch with a dead chicken around his neck as punishment has rejected a plea deal."

WBTW

"Saint Mary’s Cathedral in San Francisco will dismantle a system that pours water on entrance areas of the church frequented by homeless after receiving a formal notice of violation from the city."

CBS

Click to see Buzz in his full glory

Our Wacky World—2/28/2015

"CATHOLIC PRIEST WHO DIED FOR 48 MINUTES  CLAIMS THAT GOD IS A WOMAN"

Hint: it's a hoax site.

"Obese 100-year-old crocodile dies from overeating after worshippers keep throwing it chickens and goats for good luck"

Beam me up 

'By attempting to teach men not to rape, what we have actually done is teach women not to care about being raped, not to protect themselves from easily preventable acts, and not to take responsibility for their actions. At the same time, we don’t hesitate to blame men for bad things that happen to them (if right now you walked into a dangerous ghetto and got robbed, you would be called an idiot and no one would say “teach ghetto kids not to steal”).

'I thought about this problem and am sure I have the solution: make rape legal if done on private property. I propose that we make the violent taking of a woman not punishable by law when done off public grounds.'

It just gets better from there. I love how he chose a "ghetto" as an example of a dangerous place; I assume he's white. (Dispatches From The Culture Wars)


Sarah Palin's remarks at CPAC touch on military service:

"...it’s our duty to elect an honorable commander-in-chief who is willing to make the same sacrifices he sends others away to make."

But:

"One of Palin’s sons, Track, served in Iraq for a year for the Army. Going by her remark, however, her son is more qualified than any of the GOP’s most visible prospective candidates"

I guess you don't need any military experience when you're only running for vice president. (Crooks & Liars)

'Tania Warchol claims that she purchased Fifty Shades of Grey Come Alive Pleasure Gel for Her...from an Adam & Eve store near her home. The complaint notes that the product's packaging promises users will "experience enhanced orgasms and stimulation as every tingle, touch and vibration intensifies." It includes the lines from James' second Fifty Shades novel printed on the box — "I surrender, exploding around him — a draining, soul-grabbing orgasm that leaves me spent and exhausted." It was a bit of a letdown, Warchol claims.'

And it may have been marketed illegally. (Hollywood Reporter)

50 Shits Of Grey

Behold the spectacle that is Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore:

'“If you have cancer, which I believe is a fungus, and we can put a pic line into your body and we’re flushing, let’s say, salt water, sodium cardonate [sic], through that line, and flushing out the fungus… These are some procedures that are not FDA-approved in America that are very inexpensive, cost-effective.”

And:

'Weeks after being removed from her position as Republican Majority Leader over allegations of more than $1 million in tax liens, Fiore made news last Wednesday for her assertion that “young, hot little girls on campus” need to be armed with guns to prevent themselves from being raped'

Think Progress


Yet another clown trying to beat the system:

'El Bey, a self-described sovereign citizen, has made repeated attempts to introduced testimony irrelevant to his case (as is the wont of sovereign citizens having to stand in court of law before a judge)… El Bey has...claimed that the Stamp Act treaty with the queen of England had imposed taxes on alcohol and cigarettes but that the Act “exonerated” Americans of the need to pay any other taxes.'

Breitbart Unmasked

"There is no way the Earth can rotate on itself, says Saudi cleric Sheikh Bandar al-Khaibari, who insists our planet is stationary. His explanation comes in a video recording, in what appears to be from a lecture, where he says if the Earth really rotated, how could anyone ever reach China in a plane."

Global Voices Online


And now, a cute baby:

"YouTube's automated takedown tool is known for its flaws, but this week it crossed a line by attacking a purring cat. According to YouTube's Content-ID system both EMI Publishing and PRS own the rights to a 12 second purring loop. The cat in question, Phantom, has filed a dispute and hopes to reclaim his rights."

Torrentfreak

'Seattle resident Denise Horton’s neighbor was awarded a half million dollars in a default judgment in a dispute over her dog’s barking. Denise failed to report to trial, claiming it was a “bunk.” The bunk caught up to her after the sheriff’s office arrived to serve her with a writ of execution for her house.'

Turley's Blog

'Newly elected GOP Sen. Thomas Croci of Islip introduced legislation this week to create the “New York State Terrorist Registry” to track evildoers who have taken up residence in the Empire State. The registry, which would be accessible to the public on the Web, would be modeled after the one now used to track registered sex offenders living in New York and would require the terrorists.' [sic]

Daily News

Talk radio is losing money:

"More than 50 million people in the U.S. tune in each week to news-talk radio stations that carry advertising, making it radio’s second-most popular format, behind country music, according to Nielsen.

"But many national advertisers have fled from such stations in recent years, seeking to avoid associating their brands with potentially controversial programming. As a result, advertising on talk stations now costs about half what it does on music stations, given comparable audience metrics, according to industry executives."

Crooks & Liars

Also:

"It might seem that talk-radio’s critics would have won if that happens. But, in reality, they would have won their battle, but lost their war. If critics force the delivery mechanism away from an advertising-based model, their pleas will be less likely to affect talk radio’s bottom line. Subscribers, unlike advertisers, aren’t likely to be swayed by a social-media campaign (after all, they are fans). As such, executives and hosts will be freer to ignore critics, while profiting from giving fans what they want. In the end, talk radio’s content will exist as long as an audience for it exists."

Talk about missing the point… We don't give a shit if Rush goes to satellite radio and paid streaming to mumble crap to his brain-ill sycophants, you fool. We just want him off the fucking air; made unavailable for the unwashed masses who casually tune in. (Breitbart Unmasked)

And now I suppose I should mention Bill O'Reilly's memory lapses...

'After NBC News suspended anchor Brian Williams for erroneously claiming that he was nearly shot down in a helicopter…in Iraq in 2003, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly went on a tear… He bemoaned the supposed culture of deception within the liberal media, and he proclaimed that the Williams controversy should prompt questioning of other "distortions" by left-leaning outlets. Yet for years, O'Reilly has recounted dramatic stories about his own war reporting that don't withstand scrutiny—even claiming he acted heroically in a war zone that he apparently never set foot in.'

Mother Jones

'O'Reilly responded to the story by launching a slew of personal invective. He did not respond to the details of the story. Instead, he called me a "liar," a "left-wing assassin," and a "despicable guttersnipe." He said that I deserve "to be in the kill zone."'

Mother Jones

Here's the NYT take:

“Fox News channel is news for people who don’t trust the rest of the news media,” said Jay Rosen, a journalism professor at New York University. “They actually want the controversy because it fits this strategy.”

NYT

Bill is doubling down on the criticism while everyone at CBS news says it never happened and Media Matters is digging up more dirt. Every day a new claim, every day a new denial.

Narcissist.