Thursday, December 5, 2013

Our Wacky World—12/5/2013

Special Holiday Crap

Click for info
"Family Research Council President Tony Perkins on Monday argued that companies should have the religious freedom to deny contraception coverage for women because 'that's why the Pilgrims came here.' "
Crooks & Liars

Click for price
“Despite its title, there is no 'great joy' to be found in this book. I also could not find the good tidings. In fact there is mostly petty griping about various entities seeking to 'destroy' Christmas (but only Christmas as defined by Sarah Palin). Palin manages to both rehash the War on Christmas and wage her own war on hope and charity (AKA love). Her sense of irony is as dead as is her sense of reality.”

"The Christmas Candle has received a bit of notoriety because it was produced by Echolight Studios, a concern whose CEO is none other than failed conservative presidential candidate and sweater vest enthusiast Rick Santorum. Because of his presence behind the scenes, it is tempting to comb through the film for any possible references to his political agenda. However, the reasons that the film doesn't work—and it doesn't—have less to do with politics and more with the fact that the story makes precious little sense even by holiday fable standards." [1.5 stars]
Roger Ebert

Gene Scott would have been the first to point out that a candle is a phallic symbol.

"You may want to also consider returning some of your unopened purchases that may not seem as appealing as they did" Another tip from McResource supposedly tells employees to "Stop complaining. Stress hormones rise by 15% after 10 minutes of complaining."
Business Insider

"Instead of venturing into the cold this Black Friday, stay in and give your children a gift that will keep on giving. This year, we are celebrating the Holiday Season with a Black Friday special that is better than any deal found in stores. Donate $5, $10 or $25 to help Governor Walker get reelected..."

It's the Xmas buying season; does Scott Walker hate capitalism?

Orly Taitz and the conspiracy brigade have a new target this holiday season:
"It is a legitimate question: why there are no birth certificates and birth records for Malia and Sasha Obama, while there such records for children of other presidents?"
Fellowship Of The Minds

Click to enlarge
"This issue has bothered me for many years. My former daughter in law was a caseworker with the state children’s services, and she often bragged on how many children she had removed from homes with no probable cause other than some vague complaint and in her opinion the kids were not being cared for properly. That she, of all people, would be the judge of who is a lousy parent is another story for another time. There are a number of really good reasons she became my ex-daughter in law."
Turley's Blog

"A social services worker and a hospital nurse are behind bars after a North Carolina deputy spotted their 11-year-old foster child shivering and handcuffed to the front porch -- with a dead chicken around his neck"

"Beijing has invested heavily to build up a nationwide [video] surveillance network that lets police watch every major street and corner in main cities. But with smoggy days becoming more frequent, the effectiveness of the system has been greatly compromised. Some fear terrorists may choose a smoggy day to launch attacks."

"It was bad enough when three men in her section decided to skip out on a $96 bill, but it got a whole lot worse for waitress Suzanne Parratt when she was subsequently fired from her job for refusing to cover the unpaid tab."

I especially like this comment:
"Let me pose this question to the fair Gawker audience: When you make a big stink like this (not that she hasn't the right to) by going to the media and threaten to or goes ahead and sue her former employer, doesn't the act alone make future hiring managers avoid you like the plague?"
Concern troll. It's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

 Hacker against hacker—oh the humanity:
“Stop Spying on Indonesia. Tell on your government stop all forms of tapping into Indonesia. Or we will make your internet network destroyed.”
The Register

Didn't see it coming

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Our Wacky World—11/2/2013

"A defibrillator fitted to US vice president Dick Cheney had its wireless functions removed in the factory, in order to ensure hackers – or terrorists – could not kill him by attacking the device."
The Register

"A chilling Ministry of Defense (MoD) report circulating in the Kremlin today confirms that the Strategic Missile Forces (SMF) sudden, unannounced and successful firing of a Topol ballistic missile into the Sary-Shagan testing ground in Kazakhstan last Thursday (10 October) was in 'direct response' to President Barack Obama’s attempt to destroy Charleston, South Carolina in what military intelligence analysts state was an attempted 'false flag attack.'"
Dispatches From The Culture Wars

Pepper Spray Cop gets a larger settlement than his victims:
"Pike might have lost his job over the incident, but he's now being awarded more than $38,000 as a result of it."

" ought to say no the Girl Scout cookies too. I don’t want to support lesbianism, I don’t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don’t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I’m not buying Girl Scout cookies. Now I suppose if you take a big, fat, black magic marker and you say, ‘give me that box,’ and you start marking out all of the references to the Girl Scouts of America on all the boxes then maybe we’re not promoting that organization anymore and I’d be willing to buy."
Dispatches From The Culture Wars

"Authorities were aghast this weekend when they found 14 assisted-living home patients virtually abandoned, with bedridden seniors -- including amputees and residents with dementia -- all but left to fend for themselves for two days."

" can be treated with an enema that forces it to vomit the drug-laced feces... In the meantime, experts are urging dog owners to train their animals to not eat human poop."
The Verge

"...the head of the recently-founded Church of the Chelyabinsk Meteorite...argues that [the meteor] over Chelyabinsk...was not a chance happening but a sign of what has long been talked of, namely that Russia may become the spiritual center of the world."
Since that was written a 570kg piece has been recovered. No message from god yet. (Voice of Russia)

Peas in a pod
"Dr. Masaru Emoto...found water that was microwaved did not form beautiful crystals – but instead formed crystals similar to those formed when exposed to negative thoughts or beliefs. If this is happening to just water – I can only imagine what a microwave is doing to the nutrients, energy of our food and to our bodies when we consume microwaved food. For the experiment pictured above, microwaved water produced a similar physical structure to when the words “satan” and “hitler” were repeatedly exposed to the water."
Science Based Medicine

"...the couple was upset about the girl's progress report, so Montanez put the bark collar around her neck and forced her to bark so the collar would shock her."

Live at the crime scene

Just what the world needed!—a web site where you can feel guilty for "damaging" your children! (the comments are if anything worse than the article):
"So . . . how did I give my son autism? The following are the biggest mistakes I made to which I attribute my son’s descent into autism. I’m going to provide links that are easily readable and understandable that contain links to the research rather than providing links to the research itself. A simple Google search about any one of these topics will provide more information than you could ever want. Here goes . . ."
There's nothing like po' buckers using Google University to fill in the gaps in their brains. (Thinking Moms Revolution)

"A US psychologist has warned of the dire consequences of a 'stunning rise' in 'vanity' names for kids, revealing that no less than 811 'Messiahs' were proclaimed during 2012, joining 243 Princesses, 588 Princes and a whopping 1,423 Kings on the list of newborns."
The Register

Game over

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Our Wacky World—10/12/2013

How to make chumps out of Ken Ham zombies:
"My suggestion for how to respond to the 'Were you there?' question is to simply say 'Yes, I was'. This is likely to stump the stumper who will not expect it. If the person says that he/she does not believe you, you can respond, 'How do you know? Were you there?”
Mano Singham

Be sure to read the linked article for a sample conversation. BTW, Ken Ham wasn't there. I know because I was and I didn't see him anywhere.

I just love it when people dish dirt on con artists like Kevin Trudeau. Check out this "secret" invitation he sent out to who knows how many suckers:
"There has existed for many years an exclusive association, a secret society, of some of the world’s most famous and powerful people... I have some incredibly exciting news to share with you. The association has analyzed your profile (you’d be unbelievably flattered if you knew who these individuals were). Please forgive us, but we’ve discovered something special about you. It seems you, [sucker], possess several rare traits we are searching for. Because of these traits, which we’ll talk about later, you are eligible to become part of our exclusive club and to share our Greatest Kept Secrets, too, absolutely free!"
Cherry Teresa

Here's the post she mentioned at the beginning, describing how she got sucked into the Trudeau con in the first place and then figured her way out.

"Dark web hoodlums linked to the underground drugs bazaar Silk Road are preparing to launch revenge attacks on the FBI agents involved in the shutdown of the site.... Although the rabid activists have stopped short of calling for violent attacks on the FBI, they discussed carrying out a campaign of fear aimed at making Feds 'think twice' before targeting any anonymous drugs market in future."
The Register

It's official—Michelle Bachmann says these are the End Times:
"Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand... When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”
Crooks & Liars

"A leading Saudi cleric warned women who drive cars could cause damage to their ovaries and pelvises and that they are at risk of having children born with 'clinical problems.'"

Oh the irony:
"Julian Robertson, a Wall Street moneyman who has agglomerated billions from his hedge-fund investments, has sold all of his stock in Apple Inc., not because he necessarily believes shoveling his spondulicks towards Cupertino is a bad bet, but because he has come to the conclusion that Steve Jobs was a 'really awful' person."
The Register

"'The officers posed as regular high school students and would ask other students for drugs. Twenty-two students were arrested - the majority of them are reported to be special needs students like the Snodgrass' son. Their noticeably handicapped and has been diagnosed with autism as well as bipolar disorder, Tourettes, and several anxiety disorders. Their son's list of disabilities have many in the community wondering why he was targeted in this undercover drug operation."

"Michael Selleneit, shot their neighbor, Tony Pierce, after claiming that Pierce was 'telepathically raping' his wife."
Salt Lake Tribune

Something to remember
"A USA TODAY investigation finds that consumers buying Reumofan dietary supplements are trusting their lives to a company that uses fake addresses, lies about ingredients and may not even exist."
USA Today

Rupert Murdoch's foray into hi-tech education hits a snag:
"Newscorp’s entry into the education market, the Amplify tablet, didn’t receive a lot of user reviews before being sold to waiting school districts; that may have been a mistake... One school district in NC put their 1:1 program on hiatus just one month into the school year. They discovered that some 10% of the Amplify tablets issued to students were being returned with cracked screens or suffering from malfunctioning power supplies.

10% failure rate in the first month. Mean little punks, aren't they? Meanwhile, in Thailand...

A classic psychic fail from 1921:
"What Thomas Bradford planned was no less than an empirical demonstration of the afterlife. Not satisfied with waiting to die a natural death, he decided that committing suicide would allow him to make the needed arrangements to send a message from the other side afterward. To recruit a willing partner in this bold project, Bradford placed an ad in a local newspaper for “someone interested in the spiritualistic sciences.” There seems to be no record of what kind of response he received to this ad but he managed to find one person... Doran would later insist that she had responded to the ad on a whim."

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Our Wacky World—9/22/2013

Wonderfully ambiguous headline: "Brain-eating amoeba girl leaves hospital"

Click for info
Lots of trigger-happy loons running around lately. Lots of stupid statements, including the spectacle of Alex Jones claiming the Navy yard shooting was a false flag operation aimed at taking him out. I was going to give him the coveted Most Fucked Argument/ Excuse/ Explanation/ Completely Irrelevant Aside Award™ but screw it, he's always saying shit like that. Far more interesting is watching the Republicans in the House slide into utter irrelevancy as they try to stop Obamacare/distract everyone from the silent death of any immigration bill.

A teaching moment on eBay:
"THIS AUCTION IS FOR ALL 4 ONE DIRECTION TICKETS IN SYDNEY OCTOBER 25th. You can thank my daughters self righteous and lippy attitude for their sale. See sweety? And you thought I was bluffing. I hope the scowl on your bitchy little friends faces when you tell them that your dad and i revoked the gift we were giving you all reminds you that your PARENTS are the ones that deserve love and respect more than anyone. And your silly little pack mentality of taking your parents for fools is one sadly mistaken. Anyhow. Your loss someone else's gain who deserves them! THE TICKETS ARE SEATED IN ROW O section 57. REMEMBER AUCTION IS FOR ALL 4 TICKETS and will be sent registered post 
"...OH YOUR FRIENDS THOUGHT THAT A FEW PRANKS CALLS WOULD PUT ME OFF SELLING THE GIFT WE BOUGHT FOR THEM for YOUR BIRTHDAY because YOU all LIED to us about sleep overs so you could hang like little trollops at an older guys HOUSE????? Pffft!! I find it HIGHLY amusing that you girls think you invented this stuff. Tricks like this on OUR parents is how HALF of you were conceived .....And why a lot of your friends DONT have an address to send that Fathers day card to!!! I'm not your friend. I'm your MOTHER. And I am here to give you the boundaries that YOU NEED to become a functional responsible adult. You may hate me now..... But I don't care. Its my job to raise a responsible adult..not nuture bad habits in my teen age child"
The last time I looked (before it was taken down) it was up to AU $36,000.00.

Great obit:
"Marianne Theresa Johnson- Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Sept. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small children, she refused to allow anyone else to care or show compassion towards them. When they became adults she stalked and tortured anyone they dared to love. Everyone she met, adult or child was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity, and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit."

An Indian-American woman wins the Miss America pageant—cue the terminally ignorant assholes on Twitter:
"Miss Arab wins Miss America and the score of the Seattle/SanFran game is 5-0 at the half? What is life?"
You knew they'd work football into it somehow, right? (Buzzfeed)

I feel safer already after visiting their web site:
"Black Ops Protective Agency is a full national firm especializing [sic] in all aspects of executive protection, investigations, security services and threat management agency with emphasis on personal threat concerns, random crime, residential privacy issues of every description. Our core approach, techniques, and training methods are based upon law enforcement and military model of discipline, proactive and precentative [sic] executive security. Our agents are the most qualified personnel with intensive background in law enforcement, military and protection services."
Note how the text doesn't fit on the pages. Note the poor writing. Did they pay someone to design their site? (Black Ops)

"An eight month old baby is recovering in hospital after a monkey tore off one of his testicles before running away and eating it."

"Wedding delayed in Brentwood after man cuts off testicles"
Brentwood Weekly

A different kind of yeast infection:
"...the team searched the man's belongings for liquor and then isolated him in a hospital room for 24 hours. Throughout the day, he ate carbohydrate-rich foods, and the doctors periodically checked his blood for alcohol. At one point, it rose 0.12 percent."

"Feminist" "natural" "abortion":
"Muscio, who is very clear about her opinions on 'Western medicine' (she at one point refers to it as 'that smelly dog who farts across the house and we just don’t have the heart to put out of its misery'), eventually gets pregnant again, and this time she tries something else:  
"'I started talking to my girlfriends. Looking to my immediate community for help led me to Judy, the masseuse, who rubbed me in places you aren’t supposed to rub pregnant ladies. She also did some reflexology in the same vein. Panacea told me where to find detailed recipes for herbal abortifacients and emmenagogues. Esther supported me and stayed with me every day. Bridget brought me flowers. Possibly most important was the fact that I possessed not one single filament of self-doubt. With that core of supportive women surrounding me and with my mind made up, I was pretty much invincible.'"
Brute Reason

She's lucky to be alive after all that shit. Be sure to read the linked article, "The terrifying history of herbal abortion medicines." Yet another reason why clinical abortion should be legal.

James Randi weighs in on psychics and the polygraph:
"The blatant fact is that not a single spy has ever been caught by a polygraph screening exam."
Yep. (eSkeptic)

Paid liar for the Bush Admin. Dana Perino is sooo tired of atheists:
"Beckel noted that what the lawyer didn't say was that you don't have to say the Pledge if you don't want to. Dana Perino said that she was 'tired of them' and recounted how, when she worked in the Justice Department, a similar lawsuit 'came through' and before the day ended, the Congress passed a resolution to keep 'under God' in the Pledge. She said that 'our representatives have spoken again and again, and if these people don't like it, they don't have to live here.' (Same could be said for all those Christians who oppose abortion and gay marriage?)"

Because "our representatives" always do what we want them to. And they believe that they're winning when they're losing. Take Rand Paul for instance:
“Does anybody remember Charlie Sheen when he was kind of going crazy…And he was going around, jumping around saying ‘Winning, winning, we’re winning,’" Paul said. "Well I kind of feel like that, we are winning. And I’m not on any drugs.”
Yeah, his terminal disconnect with reality comes naturally. (NBC)

"Is there a blow torch under North America that causes rare, but deadly, earthquakes? Some geologists think they might have found the buried track of just such a hotspot from Missouri to Virginia."

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Our Wacky World—9/3/2013

Detroit has run out of paper—good luck getting a birth or death certificate

Nope, Einstein did not say that.

Do you have your homeopathic first aid kit? I'm sure it works great for anaphylactic shock.

How about a school lockdown toilet? A school district in California just bought 1800.

I can't make this shit up:
"More Louisiana Republicans Blame President Obama For Hurricane Katrina Response Than Bush"
Think Progress

Click to read about this bullshit
"Documents released Monday by the Texas Department of Public Safety’s provided no new evidence that officers found one jar of urine and 18 containers of feces at the Capitol before a July 12 debate on a controversial abortion bill."
Texas Tribune

"Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants. Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size."
Note that a homeopathic preparation of this "chemical" would make your penis bigger—if homeopathy actually worked.

Land of a MIllion Gods

If you have to're running out of topics for your TV show
"Since I began blogging in 2007, I’ve been told that I’m a racist, sexist, fascist, communist, woman-hater, man-hater, liar with no conscience, a scam artist, a sexless virgin, a misogynistic player, and too young to know anything about anything. Strangely, I’ve never been accused of being any of these things in my personal life."
Mark Manson

Self-styled child development expert Jenny McCarthy is a smoker and she hasn't quit yet:
"I also could not escape the irony of the woman who rails against 'toxins' in vaccines and described her struggles trying to stop smoking when she was pregnant now shilling for a device designed to be used to inhale a toxic substance (nicotine) into one’s lungs. On the other hand, she has in the past raved about how she absolutely 'loves' Botox; so maybe it’s not so difficult to understand."
Science-based Medicine

Botox is "natural," just like arsenic and strychnine.

"In the 1970s, reports Darling-Hammond, Finland’s student achievement was low. But in the decades since, they have steadily upgraded their education system until now they’ve reached the top. What’s more, they took what was once a wide achievement gap between rich and poor, and reduced it until it’s now smaller than in nearly all other wealthy nations. Here’s how..."

"In what will surely go down in history as one the greatest architectural blunders, the town of Benidorm in Alicante, Spain, had almost completed its 47-story skyscraper when it realized it excluded plans for elevator shafts."
Daily News

Great headline:
"Women who fear being forced to marry abroad told to hide spoon in underwear"
"The FBI has now gotten involved into the false lien filing business and considers the massive filings as a type of 'paper terrorism'. This is one of the few times lately that I agree with the FBI."
Turley's blog

Howard Kurtz is settling into his new Fox News gig:
"Asked why she believed Kurtz would write such a column, Quinn said she did not know, other than he could not find anything else to write about."
Crooks & Liars

"Parents in Tennessee came to court to deal with a dispute over the last name to be used for their 7-month-old son. However, Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew ordered the first name to be changed because the parents had named the boy 'Messiah.' Ballew admits that she has never ordered a first name change (particularly when both parents were in agreement with the name) but that messiah is a name earned by one person and 'that one person is Jesus Christ.'"
Turley's blog

"Top copyright troll Prenda Law has been caught red-handed seeding torrenting sites with pornographic films in an effort to drum up business for its copyright lawyers."
The Register

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Our Wacky World—8/10/2013

Cry me a fucking river:
"The former police lieutenant who became the target of worldwide ire after dousing Occupy UC Davis protesters with pepper spray, John Pike, is appealing for worker’s compensation, claiming psychiatric injury caused by the Nov. 18, 2011, incident."

"The pepper spray Pike used, MK-9, ...was not sanctioned for use by the department and officers were not trained in its use, according to the task force report. In addition, Pike used it incorrectly by spraying protesters from close range..."

The good news is that she's not running for office... in the U.S.:
"I don't oppose Islam as a country...but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia. Jews aren't under haram. They have their own religion, which follows Jesus Christ."

Click to enlarge the good news
"You may see Jesus when you look at them," Steven Krieser...wrote Tuesday regarding illegal immigrants. "I see Satan."

“If you are a lover of the vinyl LP, this unit from Furutech will be one of those all-to-rare “must-have” components. There is information in the grooves that is always being obscured, minimized, and dulled by the interaction between magnetism on the disc and the electronics of the cartridge. So what will you hear? Deep, deeper into the heart of the recording itself. The difference has really shocked members of my listening panel–it’s that obvious!” – Harry Pearson, The Absolute Sound, Golden Ear Award Issue 2011
Music Direct

"The feds are currently investigating alleged failures by the University of Southern California officials and campus police to prosecute rape — including one student who was told that no rape occurred in her case because her alleged assailant did not orgasm. Yep."
"...anti-choicers slipped squishy fetus toys into children's candy bags during a parade a North Dakota State Fair. The doll, called 'The Precious One' is manufactured by Heritage House, a pro-life store, and retails for $1.50 apiece, less if you buy them in bulk, which apparently the pro-lifers did, since there were lots of five and six year olds running around squeezing, throwing and playing with their squeezable fetus toys afterwards."
You can buy them here. They have two types: "caucasian" and "ethnic". (Alternet)

"Why not just put a sign on the street saying any time you leave your car, the government can search it? This is just more TSA mission creep, first it's keeping weapons off planes, then keeping a safe perimeter around airports, and then all of a sudden, you have justification for searching cars in front of any building, anywhere."
Mother Jones

"For years, curiosity seekers visiting the Fort Worth, Texas, grave of Lee Harvey Oswald have wondered about the simple headstone next door, marked Nick Beef. It turns out Nick Beef is alive and living in New York."

Google supports evil—employees rebel:
"In the face of urgent threats like climate change, there are times where companies like Google must display moral leadership and carefully evaluate their political bedfellows," they conclude. "Google's support of Senator James [I never met a climate change denialist I didn't like] Inhofe's re-election campaign is one of those moments."
The Register

Monday, July 22, 2013

Our Wacky World—7/21/2013

Orson Scott Card is still an ass. Oregon has a state microbe.

Mr. False Equivalence, Howard "both sides do it" Kurtz made some choice remarks during his final appearance on CNN (he's moving to Fox). No quotes from me. Read it for yourself. He's the poster-child for the crypto-journalism that reigns today. This self-proclamed "media watchdog" is just another asshole-enabling douche.

The voice of white supremacy:
"Zimmerman's defense attorney, Mark O'Mara, remarked that if his client were black, 'he never would've been charged with a crime.'"
Huffington Post

Short memory
"...if my vagina could shoot bullets it would have fewer regulations on it"
Margaret and Helen

"Shouting 'Hail Satan!' to abortion protesters is both ludicrous and meaningless," said Gilmore, who's led the Church of Satan since 2001. "Only attention-seeking fools would do so."

It's official:
"When political correctness takes over the beer advertising industry, the terrorists have won," said Watters, who is better known for his job as a producer on Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show. "I mean, this is absolutely outrageous!"
Crooks & Liars

"More than 70 members of Congress were polled and 99 percent of them did not know –- even roughly speaking –- how many nuclear weapons the United States has. Also, 95 percent could not think of any situation in which the United States should use nuclear weapons."
Occupy America

Guess who's been banned in the UK:
"Pamela Geller and her partner in Islamophobic hatemongering Robert Spencer have been banned from entering the United Kingdom. This has sparked a predictable flurry of whines from Geller, who uses the word 'jihad' a lot to scare people but really has no clue what it actually means."
Crooks & Liars


Sorry for the long quote but this is so superlative any editing would be a crime against comic insanity:
"Many mystics, philosophers and spiritual teachers agree that the key to our evolution as a species lies within our DNA. If all strands of DNA were active, we would have 12 strands. According to some, each strand correlates with a different dimension of consciousness, or a different perspective by which we can experience this reality. Those who study and practice DNA activation techniques say the 2 basic DNA strands keep us at a very dense, physical structure and perspective of reality, but as we activate more DNA, our bodies change to become less dense and more ‘full of light.’ This state can be recognized in beings known in spiritual and religious traditions as ‘ascended masters’ with glowing halos and radiant skin. As evolution in consciousness occurs, and DNA ‘turns on’ it is speculated that this would mean a transformation from a carbon-based matter body, to a silica-based, and finally a crystalline liquid-light pre-matter state body, where the body would glow with light. According to sources, most of us have approximately 3-3.5 strands activated, allowing for the experience of only three dimensions of reality."

3~3.5 strands of DNA active? Reminds me of the time a friend of mine was told that there are two demons in every six-pack of beer. Does that mean every can of beer contains 1/3 of a demon?

Along similar lines:
"Apparently, they invaded my body from animals or from dirt. They used to eat plants; but because the plants have been genetically modified, the bugs now eat us. I also have a type of worm in my blood vessels. These creatures come in couples — with the female living in the male body. What’s more, I have an overabundance of vitamin C in my kidneys and an inflammation of the sciatic nerve caused by a plasma virus. Plus, my prostate gland is infected by a brown mushroom and my red blood cells are a little too big because of microbacilli released by plants in my office or from eating fruits that weren’t washed properly. I also have a viral infection in my right eye and my muscles don’t work properly because mushrooms have grown roots and tangled the muscle strings."
Montreal Gazzette

Click for more info
"Julie Redfern suffered seven years of being able to hear her eyeballs move and the blood move through her veins in a rare hearing condition. The receptionist, of Padiham, Lancashire, had to stop dining with friends because she could not hear them speak over the sound of her own chewing. ... [she] also had to cut out crunchy foods like apples and crisps because of the loud noises they made."

They start them young in Sparta, er, Belgium:
"The police's reaction was caused, in part, by reports from other diners at the club, who said Neijens's black backpack made him look like a "terrorist." As for the baby, Detective Harding reportedly told Neijens that, "In Sri Lanka, babies are used by terrorists.'"

"There was some distress in the classroom as a number of children collapsed after they were asked to colour in pictures of sexual organs"
The Local

Amusing prank
"The landlord, David Salkin, asked the ATF to pay to cover damage to the building and unpaid utility bills. ATF supervisors in Milwaukee and regional headquarters in St. Paul refused. When Salkin pressed his case, an ATF attorney warned him to stop contacting the agency or it may be considered threatening a federal agent."
JS Online

"EDA's CIO, fearing that the agency was under attack from a nation-state, insisted instead on a policy of physical destruction. The EDA destroyed not only (uninfected) desktop computers but also printers, cameras, keyboards, and even mice. The destruction only stopped—sparing $3 million of equipment—because the agency had run out of money to pay for destroying the hardware."
Ars Technica

"We've heard Pandora complain it pays too much in royalties to make a profit. (Of course, we also watched Pandora raise $235 million in its IPO and double its listeners in the last two years.) But a business that exists to deliver music can't really complain that its biggest cost is music. You don't hear grocery stores complain they have to pay for the food they sell. Netflix pays more for movies than Pandora pays for music, but they aren't running to Congress for a bailout."

Spending the hard-earned cash

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Our Wacky World—6/20/2013

Continuing my theme of posting a quote without a link (to save you time), there's lots of wankery over abortion in the US these days. Here's the latest wanker's argument against abortion:
"'Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful... They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?'"
Proving once again that it's all about what a male Republican believes.

Thank you

Crowd—swimming pool—alcohol—liquid nitrogen... what could possibly go wrong?:
"One man, 21-year-old Jose Ignacio Lopez del Toro, lapsed into a coma and was conveyed to an intensive care unit in central Mexico."
Slate (pictures here)

She's back:
“Until we have a commander in chief who knows what he is doing....let Allah sort it out!”
The Hill

Back in 2006 (before this blog) I had a story about the landlords from hell. They were just sentenced:
"The actions of these defendants are so outlandish and brazen that it sounds like the plot line of a horror movie"

I guess she didn't see it coming:
"A self-described psychic who triggered a media frenzy when she told authorities a Liberty County couple had a mass grave on their property has been ordered to pay the couple $6.8 million."
Doubtful News

In related news:
"Wiggins, however, insisted May was guilty, claiming he knew because he's psychic."
Indiana News

“When Jimmy Carter was elected President, one of the first things he did was to have Uri Geller give him a four hour briefing on the Soviet psychic threat. America didn’t want a psychic gap and Uri was the go-to guy about these things... Sometimes, you wonder whether Uri’s entire public career has actually been a front for his shadow world activities.”
Yeah, right. (Independent)

So are Bigfeet dangerous or safe? Experts disagree:
"Arla Williams, an expert on Bigfoot culture who said she has spent much time among the creatures. It was Williams who said she has bonded with the creatures she regularly visits."
Idaho State Journal

“SquatchIt has been scientifically designed to be the most accurate, powerful and loud Sasquatch call for use by Bigfoot finders, to scare friends on a camping trip, to heckle politicians and raise a ruckus in general. It is loud and scary sounding and is sure to soil many pair of underwear on camping trips."

Hint: don't do it while looking in a mirror. Trust me, it's been done before.

Exodus International, the gay "conversion" bunch, calls it quits:
"Never in a million years would I intentionally hurt another person. Yet, here I sit having hurt so many by failing to acknowledge the pain some affiliated with Exodus International caused, and by failing to share the whole truth about my own story. My good intentions matter very little and fail to diminish the pain and hurt others have experienced on my watch. The good that we have done at Exodus is overshadowed by all of this."
I can't wait for the freak-out to start. (Dispatches From The Culture Wars)

America's worst charities (there's a lot of them, apparently):
"To disguise the meager amount of money that reaches those in need, charities use accounting tricks and inflate the value of donated dollar-store cast-offs - snack cakes and air fresheners - that they give to dying cancer patients and homeless veterans."

"The city council member and married father of three from Whitby Town Council has gone public with an account of a long affair with aliens, particularly an alien named the 'Cat Queen' with whom he has had a child. He also claims that his 'real mother' is a 9-foot green alien with eight fingers. The Labor politician has also reported the less surprising news that his wife is rather put out by the whole thing."
Turley's Blog

"Jim Alsdurf, a forensic psychologist who evaluates and treats sexual psychopaths and is the author of a book on abuse in Christian homes, says CDD [Christian Domestic Discipline] isn’t about religion—it’s an outlet for emotionally disturbed men with intimacy deficits."
Daily Beast

"Based in part on surreptitious tape recordings, an FBI affidavit lays out allegations that a Sacred Heart pulmonologist kept patients too sedated to breathe on their own, then ordered unneeded tracheotomies for them -- enabling the for-profit hospital to reap revenue of as much as $160,000 per case."

"Arizona authorities charge a man for driving under the influence despite him blowing a .000 on a breathalyzer test."

"To prevent this cancer cell from sucking the iron, we are to coat/ laminate the iron with lead, and lead cannot be sucked by the cancer mound. This lamination on Hb will stay for 2 to 3 days and comes out through motion... The physical atom of lead or any metal cannot be broken as astral atoms... But if the same atom is sent in to the body as whirls of light rays, in the form of vibrations (here is a theory the air / aether carry the light rays) created by lighting herbal oil which produce/ let out lead, on heat, penetrate in to the body through skin, as ascorbic acid, forms amino acid in bile, mix with blood and laminates the haemoglobin and prevents cancer cells from sucking the iron as it’s [sic] nourishment."

"Thundering Harley engines nearly drowned out the Latin recitation of the "Our Father" prayer that accompanied Francis as he greeted the crowd before Mass. Standing in his open-top jeep, Francis drove up the main boulevard leading to St. Peter's Square, blessing the thousands of people in what was a giant Harley parking lot."

There is no why

Monday, May 27, 2013

Our Wacky World—5/27/2013

"A group of elderly JFK conspiracy theorists were comparing notes when one of them suddenly had a heart attack. After going through the whole tunnel light scenario he finds himself facing God. He asks 'Oh Lord, who really killed JFK?' And God replied 'It was Oswald acting alone.' At that point the EMTs were able to jolt him back to life. Later in the hospital with his co-theorists he said in a low voice 'The conspiracy is bigger than we thought.'"
I won't bother to link to his raving but check out this sentence from conspiracy freak Alex Jones:
"I don’t want my daughters growing up in a country where some transvestite comes walking into the thing hopped out of their brain on drugs vomiting and crapping all over the place."
He's also very afraid of atheists. You should be afraid, Alex. One might shit on your lawn.

A message to world governments: good luck banning 3D printed guns. On the other hand, the current model has an alarming tendency to blow up in your face.

"They" walk among us:
"They often arrived in old model cars which were as shiny and well kept as brand-new vehicles. Sometimes they slipped up in their dress, wearing clothes that were out of fashion or, even more perturbing, would not come into fashion until years later. Those who posed as military officers obviously had no knowledge of military procedure or basic military jargon. If they had occasion to pull out a wallet or notebook, it would be brand-new ...although most men carry beat-up old wallets and notebooks quickly gain a worn look. Finally, like the fairies of old, they often collected souvenirs from the witnesses ... delightedly walking away with an old magazine, pen, or other small expendable object."

"A Boston Children’s Hospital psychiatrist who became convinced his 16-year-old patient suffered from “evil spirits” and appointed himself as her spiritual mentor has been barred from practicing medicine":
Boston Globe

"Families who attend Faith Tabernacle Congregation in North Philadelphia and First Century Gospel Church in Juniata Park have lost more than two dozen children to illness since 1971, according to non-profit Children’s Healthcare Is a Legal Duty, Inc. (CHILD, Inc.). Both churches believe in the power of prayer over modern medicine. 
"'God promised us that if we do his will, that there’s no infection; all these diseases that you name, would not come to you...'
"John says he believes the congregation is being persecuted for their beliefs."

Croatia has a lot of land mines:
"Nikola Kezic, an expert on the behavior of honeybees, sat quietly together with a group of young researchers on a recent day in a large net tent filled with the buzzing insects on a grass field lined with acacia trees. The professor at Zagreb University outlined the idea for the experiment: Bees have a perfect sense of smell that can quickly detect the scent of the explosives. They are being trained to identify their food with the scent of TNT."
Houston Chronicle

"'A woman swimming with Dreamer thought she had been rammed,' Hyson writes. 'The woman was taken to hospital for examination. The woman had a large bruise. X-ray revealed that under the ribs, near the center of the bruised area, there was a small tumor. It is my feeling that Dreamer likely "zapped" the tumor with a powerful sound pulse, perhaps to heal it, and the high intensity sound left bruising from hydrostatic shock. At the least, the bruising called medical attention to the tumor.' 
"There has been no research in this regard, though it would be fairly simple. Dolphins could be put in the water with people with various stages of cancer and healthy controls. You could have, say, 15 controls and one patient. If a dolphin displayed unusual behaviors around that person, it’s possible the animal detected something."
Living Green

"Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front"
NY Post

World's Greatest Conservative Hip Hop Songs:
"Marshall Bruce Mathers III, better known by his stage name Eminem, grew up in Detroit, probably the single city to have been ravaged the most thoroughly by Democratic Party malfeasance and malgovernance. It should not come as a surprise, then, that this song from his major label debut, The Slim Shady LP, released during the Clinton administration, contains a vicious attack on the Clintons"
So now they've decided they like Eminem? I heard nothing but complaints at the time.

Dispatches From The Culture Wars

"Toru Hashimoto, who serves as the Mayor of Osaka, told reporters at his weekly press conference Monday that 'anyone would understand' the role of 'comfort women' when soldiers were risking their lives and you wanted to give them 'a rest.'
"Bizarrely, Hashimoto also revealed that he told a U.S. military commander during a trip to a base on the island of Okinawa that the adult entertainment business in Japan should be 'utilized more' by U.S. personnel."

Some of you may be burned out on Boston Massacre 2.0. I'm not because I didn't engage in the non-stop video circus. And what I do enjoy is commentary like this:
"To put it mildly, this has been a bad week for democracy and a worse one for public discourse. ...marathon runners, first responders and many ordinary citizens responded to a chaotic situation with great courage and generosity, not knowing whether they might be putting their own lives at risk. Since then, though, it’s mostly been a massive and disheartening national freakout, with pundits, politicians, major news outlets and the self-appointed sleuths of the Internet – in fact, nearly everyone besides those directly affected by the attack – heaping disgrace upon themselves."

The reason the Boston bombers (sounds like a roller derby team) had no escape route planned? They were too stoned:
“Marijuana is not the harmless drug the media frequently claim it to be. It is a mind-altering substance that can play a role in creating communist or Islamic terrorists.”
News Corpse

"The Ugandan priest has been suspended indefinitely by the archbishop of Kampala for exposing what he calls an open secret: Sex abuse in the Catholic Church is a problem in Africa as well as in Western Europe and North America."
LA Times

Fuck You
"When the controversy erupted over gun control recently, and I listened to the dire predictions of the NRA and the alarmist condemnations from the right, I thought about John Prather for the first time in many years. Throughout his battle with the army, not a single shot was fired. He didn’t barricade himself and amass stores of ammunition. He didn’t attend armed rallies discussing Second Amendment “remedies.” He didn’t hate his government or the soldiers he confronted. He served them coffee and explained his position in simple and direct language. He prevailed because his humility and integrity commanded respect. He understood what “stand your ground” ought to mean. He won by moral force rather than force of arms."
Turley's Blog

"Sen. Elbert Guillory, D-Opelousas, said he had reservations with repealing the act after a spiritual healer correctly diagnosed a specific medical ailment he had... '...if I closed my mind when I saw this man—in the dust, throwing some bones on the ground, semi-clothed—I would have shut off a very good experience for myself'"
Bad Astronomy

"Would you want somebody who swears their allegiance to Osama bin Laden and the idea of Al Qaeda, would you want them advising your school board? It doesn’t matter what they’re advising them on. I hear people say, what’s he advising them on? At some point you have to inject sanity in the discussion and so if somebody is advising your school board and they’re a Muslim Brother, they are hostile, they should be treated like they’re from Al Qaeda."
Rightwing Watch

Hilarious parody of parodiable author Dan Brown:
"Renowned author Dan Brown got out of his luxurious four-poster bed in his expensive $10 million house and paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards. He knew he shouldn’t care what a few jealous critics thought. His new book Inferno was coming out on Tuesday, and the 480-page hardback published by Doubleday with a recommended US retail price of $29.95 was sure to be a hit. Wasn’t it?"

"Scientists have identified 100,000 pieces of retrovirus DNA in our genes, making up eight percent of the human genome. That’s a huge portion of our DNA when you consider that protein coding genes make up just over one percent of the genome."
National Geographic

"So when Halley's Comet orbits around the Sun, how does the comet know where our Sun will be 75 years later, since the comet leaves the solar system in the opposite direction of the Sun's orbital path (around the galaxy)? Where does it go? What causes it to come back? Certainly not gravity. How did comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 know where Jupiter would be two years later, when Jupiter had moved over 500 million miles since the comet's previous orbit of the planet? Its apojove was 32,313,600 miles, so again, gravity was not a factor. For more than 4 billion years, it obeyed the command of God, until its (Divinely) staged crash into Jupiter."
Ghana Web

This one actually links to a story
"You may have heard that the highest-paid employee in each state is usually the football coach at the largest state school. This is actually a gross mischaracterization: Sometimes it is the basketball coach."

I haven't mentioned this developing scandal until now:
"U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann’s former chief of staff, GOP operative Andy Parrish, stated in a signed affidavit Monday that the Minnesota Republican approved payments made to a top aide who was barred by Iowa Senate ethics rules from accepting money for his work on her presidential campaign."
Star Tribune