Saturday, October 22, 2011

Our Wacky World—10/22/2011

Been pretty busy lately. Wacky stuff keeps piling up.

Long-suffering readers will recall that October 21was Harold Camping's fallback date for The Rapture™. Unfortunately and unsurprisingly, it didn't happen.

This week's top headline (includes pictures)—"Las Vegas man with 100-pound scrotum seeks money for surgery."

Tastes like Obama
Ready for another dose of Bryan "Douche" Fischer? He's been saying all sorts of hilarious stuff since my last post about him. In his latest hysterical screed against Islam, he breathlessly typed out the following sentence:
"Now, in contrast to Islam and Sharia, the Judeo-Christian tradition from day one has been adamantly opposed to the slave trade."
Coming from someone who claims to have read the Bible this is sheer comedy gold. But it gets better:
"Ancient Israel also allowed prisoners of war to be held as slaves, just as the United States did with German POWs in WWII. Planeloads of German POWs were brought to the South and worked in the fields until the end of the war. We couldn’t send them home, where they would take up arms again and kill us, and we didn’t want to execute them. Servitude was the only compassionate alternative. And it was the same in ancient Israel."
Ah yes, the old "they were better off that way" argument. I'm sure that all the "outsiders" the Israelites compassionately wiped out with God-Approved™ genocide were. Then there were all those Injuns in the Americas—they were also better off as slaves, at first. Unfortunately for the greedy Europeans they started dropping like flies from infectious diseases and it ultimately became necessary to import hardier stock from Africa. (Native American survivors were dealt on an as-not-wanted basis.)
"But sadly, we made our first concession to Sharia law in 1619 instead of being guided by the wisdom of Scripture, and we have paid a terrible price for it. Slavery became our first national sin, as abortion is today."
This shit takes the cake. The cognitive dissonance in this man's mind must be fucking his mother. What a complete douche.

American Family Association

Out with the trash
The day after the unscheduled enema, the man called his doctor and “asked if they had sent the woman to his house.” The doctor replied that he had not ordered the enema, and “suggested that he notify the police.”
The Smoking Gun

"A Northern Ireland man who tried to turn his own faeces into gold by putting it on an electric heater has been jailed for three months."
Belfast Telegraph

"The children were trafficked by a secret network of doctors, nurses, priests and nuns in a widespread practice that began during General Franco’s dictatorship and continued until the early Nineties. Many mothers who gave birth there claim that when they asked to see their child after being told it had died, they were shown a baby’s corpse that appeared to be freezing cold."
Mail Online

"The free market provides you with the best system and we have charitable organizations and there's universities who are willing to take people are indigent. There are programs that are set up for the indigent, but don't destroy the finest health care system in the world to have socialized medicine because we have people who are indigent in the society. We take care of people who are indigent, people without funds. We do that through charity or we do that through university programs."
Michelle Bachmann to a man missing most of his teeth. She seems to have most of hers and nothing she says makes any sense.

"A former NYPD narcotics detective snared in a corruption scandal testified it was common practice to fabricate drug charges against innocent people to meet arrest quotas."
NY Daily News

"A psychic was arrested by Los Angeles County sheriff's officials for allegedly scaring a 12-year-old girl into stealing $10,000 in jewelry."
Didn't see that coming, huh? (LA Times)

Ceci n'est pas un avertissement

There's one terrorist attack that still hasn't been solved and the official FBI version doesn't cut it:
“It indicates a very special processing, and expertise,” said Martin E. Hugh-Jones, lead author of the paper and a world authority on anthrax at Louisiana State University. The deadly [anthrax] germs sent through the mail to news organizations and two United States senators, he added, were “far more sophisticated than needed.”

"One of the most senior churchmen in Las Vegas has admitted stealing over $650,000 from his parishioners to feed his gambling habit."
Mail Online

"For the first time in the history of the United States, a Catholic bishop is facing criminal charges. A Grand Jury in Jackson County, Missouri has indicted Bishop Robert Finn for failing to report child abuse."
Turley's Blog