Sunday, March 10, 2013

Our Wacky World—3/10/2013

Having dealt with the Russian meteor, José Canseco now weighs in on gravity.

"Now we have to add Israel to the ever-growing list of countries that are home to bigoted shitbag soccer fans" Meanwhile, along similar lines in Egypt... Some Buddhist sexual harassment... '90s TV show theme song shuts down school system...

Beauty before comfort

They have some dumb cops in Tennessee:
"The elderly couple would not seem to fit a profile for a cartel member, but the Tennessee police felt that they had made a critical mistake in their drug conspiracy. Their car had a picture of a marijuana leaf — apparently a common marking for drug mules. It turned out to be a Buckeye leaf decal. After being detained, the police reportedly told the Ohio State football fans that they needed to be more careful in the future and take off the decal. It appears to be the view of the Tennessee police that a picture of something looking like pot is enough for reasonable suspicion."

They have some dumb "pre-med' students in Florida:
"Washington, who said he's a 'pre-med" student at the College of Central Florida, said he would never intentionally hurt his daughter and only added less than a capful of bleach to about two ounces of her formula because a classmate from school told him she used the remedy with her child."

They have some dumb teachers in Windsor:
"Parents at a South Windsor school are expressing outrage after teachers led graduating students to believe they were heading to Disney World for a year-end trip - only to reveal the next day that the kids were the butt of an elaborate joke.... One of the teachers recorded the scene on an iPad and it was later shown to another class so they too could join in the teachers' merriment."

There are some dumb people in office:
"'You would be giving off more CO2 if you are riding a bike than driving in a car,' he said. However, he said he had not 'done any analysis' of the difference in CO2 from a person on a bike compared to the engine of a car"

"In a stunning, 134-page ruling, the Massachusetts Civil Service Commission this week ordered the six cops back on the job, finding that “the present state of hair testing for drugs of abuse ... does not meet the standard of reliability necessary to be routinely used” to fire someone."
Boston Herald 

"That's right, Vanderbilt's nondiscrimination policy actually discriminates against conservative Christians. So the state should sanction Vanderbilt by essentially abolishing its police force. We're not making this up."
Nashville Scene

It's that time of the year again—time for UFO nuts to get together:
"She showed drawings of supposed ET/human hybrids, in various stages of integration into the human genome, as well as photos of persons alleged to be late-stage hybrids who are (mostly) successful at passing for human. Some are fashion models, whose gaunt, angled face is said to demonstrate alien ancestry, although anorexia and heroin might produce the same effect."
Bad UFOs

So the Hitler Channel is running a new series entitled The Bible. How (bad) was it?:
"With the pace of a music video, the characterizations of a comic book and the political-correctness quotient of a Berkeley vegetarian commune — laughably, the destruction of Sodom is depicted without the faintest hint of the sexual peccadillo that takes its name from the city — this production makes Cecil B. DeMille look like a sober theologian."
I hear that the CGI angels really kick ass at Sodom. (Hollywood Reporter) On a related topic, some Ark builders would like your money.

Frightened white people speak:
“I believe they will put together a racial force to go against an opposite race resistance, basically a black force to go against a white resistance, and then they will claim anyone resisting the black force they are doing it because they are racist ....we were healing quite well as a nation on racial issues until Obama came along and now we have a lot of racial discord... If Obama can take your guns away he can take your car, he can take your home, he can take your bank account, he can take your very life”
Rightwing Watch

"Here are some other recent examples of sleep texts, as posted on Twitter and Instagram:
  • "Wtf did they put in those little bomb things."
  • "No bounces issues with monh..., pillow helps"
  • "I legittt wish veggird were enough to fuelme"
  • "The bullet holes really look great on my teddy bear."

"God will dispatch an angel to lead miracles; rid you of your enemies; bless you with prosperity; heal you; give you longevity; give you an inheritance you knew nothing about; and give you back everything the devil has stolen from you. In other words, these are the ways in which the TBN Praise-a-thon is about you and not about Paul and Jan Crouch or Steve Munsey or Benny Hinn or Eddie Long or anybody else making more money. Instead, if you give, you will be blessed in miraculous ways."

"The vials were sealed, labeled, and placed in Brooks's office until a waste-management firm could arrange a pickup. Johnson, who was raised Mormon and attended undergrad at BYU ('where figure drawing classes models wore bikinis or speedos') immediately claimed censorship. 'I am happy that he had to sit with 68 vials of my cum in his presence'"

"Sain told police that he didn't mean to threaten Fields, and regrets the language he used."—No doubt. Here's an example:
"Rhonda Fields, N----- C---, Mother of -----, Death to Both, All N----- Back to Africa, F--- you, F--- Your Laws, I Keep my 30 Round Magazines, There Will Be Blood!, I'm Coming For You, N----- B----"
Occupy America

Prosperity Gospel is the cash cow of evangelism and now you can take a test to find out if your church is living up to its tenets:
"Does your church teach that God wants you to be a millionaire, yet your pastor is the only millionaire in the congregation? - 1 point"
Religion Dispatches

File this under "sounds really fucking familiar":
"His bestselling 1954 book The Seduction of the Innocent convinced parents and politicians alike that comics were a direct cause of violence, drug use, and homosexuality among young people. It led to the restrictive editorial code issued by the Comics Magazine Association of America, and a national movement to keep comics away from children and teens... Though Wertham claimed his evidence came from thousands of case studies, it turns out that he was lying."

Speaking of best-selling books, here's the latest way how to buy that status.

"The son of American evangelist Benny Hinn was arrested in Brazil after allegedly beating up a deaf and dumb man during one of his father's rallies"
Mail Online

“'Concerning the question if alligator is acceptable to eat during the Lenten season...yes, the alligator is considered in the fish family...' The archbishop said he agreed with the parishioner that the alligator is a 'magnificent creature that is important to the state of Louisiana' and which is also 'considered seafood.'”
Catholic News Agency

"Most of the Slot Guru’s winnings are given to complete strangers. 'I love to give money to people who never expect it. Going up to someone and handing them a $100 bill in the casino when they least expect it makes me happy. Giving to others is what I believe the lord wants me to do. It’s all about Karma,' said the Slot Guru."
Dispatches From The Culture Wars

"SaharaReporters has uncovered a document indicating that a million dollars of Bayelsa State’s poverty alleviation fund was spent by then Governor Goodluck Jonathan on bringing American entertainers Beyonce and Jay Z to Nigeria in 2006."
Sahara Reporters