Friday, May 20, 2011

Running out the clock—one day to go!

You've probably already heard that the world ends tomorrow:

"The 60-year-old ex-MTA employee has plunked down $140,000, his life savings, to help spread the word that the world will end on May 21, 2011."

And you'll probably hear it again after this one falls through like all the others:
"Doomsayers are nothing if not resourceful... Not only do they not admit when they are wrong, they become even more adamant about the verisimilitude of their beliefs, spin-doctoring the nonevent into a successful prophecy, with such rationalizations as these previously employed gems":
  1. Miscalculation of the date.
  2. The date was a loose prediction, not a specific prophecy.
  3. The date was more of a warning than a prophecy.
  4. God changed his mind in response to members’ prayers.
  5. The prophecy was just a test of members’ faith.
  6. The prophecy was fulfilled physically, but not as expected.
  7. The prophecy was fulfilled spiritually, but not recognized.

Same song yesterday. Let's start an "excuse pool".

Here are some classic doomsday cult articles by Robert Sheaffer.

And despite it being the eve of destruction, it's business as usual at Family Radio:
"Esther, the receptionist in the Oakland office, said some of her most extreme coworkers have recently driven up in fancy cars or taken their families on nice vacations as a last hurrah. But overall, she estimates about 80% of her coworkers don't even agree with Camping's May 21 forecast. She has stuck to her work as usual, booking appointments and filling up calendars for her coworkers well beyond the May 21 date."
CNN Money

"But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only"
Matthew 24:36—Isn't that the part I should be reading??

They couldn't have ridden camels. It's an anachronism

Это такое же дерьмо в русском

That's what I'm talkin' about

Monday, May 16, 2011

Our Wacky World—5/16/2011

Red-hot Breaking News!!!
"Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday. Lord Vader has denied requests to present photographs of the body, describing them as "too gruesome" for the general public."
Galactic Empire Times

"A Los Angeles inventor who photographed Michael Jackson 33 years ago hopes those images will now help launch an electric motor he claims could solve the world's energy problems."

Nothing like free publicity for a free energy crank.

"You know what? If we legalize heroin tomorrow, everybody's going to use heroin. How many people here would use heroin if it was legal? I bet nobody would put their hand up, Oh, yes, I need the government to take care of me. I don't want to use heroin, so I need these laws!"
Crooks & Liars

He doesn't like Social Security or Medicare, either.

See kids, it really does happen:
"They rushed the food to state labs so they could get results quickly. When they got the negative results, they were flabbergasted, the sheriff said. Duncan said he's never seen field tests yield false positives in this way."

Surprise. You can't trust a field test where cheese in involved. Maybe they should fix that.

"Steve Johnson still can't believe a cold sore virus landed him in the emergency room. He had blacked out and rolled his Ford F250 truck on a rural Washington state road last May. Disoriented, he couldn’t describe what had happened. The emergency physician suspected a traumatic brain injury, while the on-call neurologist said MRI images suggested a tumor. But an infectious disease consultant realized something else was going on"

"The parents of two young girls were arrested after they forced their daughters to live in a tent deep in the woods while they lived in an air-conditioned home, according to Union County deputies. Deputies said the girls, ages 3 and 4, were found wandering alone in the woods... the parents were in Gainesville getting drug treatment at a methadone clinic..."

"Overturning a common law dating back to the English Magna Carta of 1215, the Indiana Supreme Court ruled Thursday that Hoosiers have no right to resist unlawful police entry into their homes."
NWI dot com

'By nightfall, Burton had managed to capture three more cats. He expected to return to the property Thursday with traps and remove more animals from the house. From what he had seen and heard, he estimated there might be as many as 50 cats in and around the house. Burton worked in short bursts because the smell inside the house could not be endured for long stretches. And, there were health perils. “You can’t walk in here without getting covered in fleas and ticks,” he said, “and without getting fecal matter on your shoes.”'
Bangor Daily News

The best part of this one is that they were on a reality show in 2009:
Not in Kansas anymore
'Other doctors testified that they began to believe Terri Cerda isolated her children from other kids, telling them the common cold could be a death sentence. They concluded that she subjected the girls to unneeded medicine and tests, and instilled unwarranted fears that could cause emotional and psychological harm...  They would complain of pain "when it served their purpose"...  Maggie would ask to be carried because her legs hurt..."when she saw something she wanted to do...she'd run off and do it."'
Oregon Live

'Olivia Evans instructed a woman to send her a "Rolex watch with a prism" so it could be used as "a vortex for demons to return to hell." She promised to return the "cleansed" watch after the demons were eliminated'