Our Wacky World—10/22/2011

And tomorrow

Dude, you've got hummingbirds in your underwear (picture). Vladamir Putin is doing is doing his level best to make your average Russian look like a pussy. Pastor Ted Haggard and Gary Busey are going to swap wives on reality TV show.


"Mad scientists successfully upgrade lab rat with cyborg brain"

Dvice


Metallica, a band which peaked in the late Eighties (I haven't listened to them since), have reached a new low with the aid of Lou Reed:

Soundcloud

William Shatner would at least have been funny. In fact, I think he'd be better. BTW, he has a metal album coming out soon (check out the samples). Vinyl for only $44! In other music news, here are the ten catchiest songs of all time (based on the latest scientific research).

"Kicking, shoving and grappling each other to the floor, the youngsters were filmed competing in cage fighting contests in front of a baying mob of hundreds of adults enjoying a night’s entertainment. The boys are not wearing padding or head gear as they grapple and slam each other into the canvas ...a spokesman for Lancashire Police said today the force had 'looked into this matter fully and there are no issues for us to pursue'."

Mail Online

"The coroner said the case “fits into the category” of SHC [spontaneous human combustion] – but how? Did it have any features that are known to correlate with gold-standard cases of SHC? That is what we generally mean when we say that something fits a defined category. It seems that the coroner only means – unexplained (back to the argument from ignorance)."

Skeptic Blog

There's a definitive analysis of SHC in the Skeptical Enquirer archive. If you've ever wondered what is actually going on just email me for the pdf.


You've probably already heard about this unconstitutional crap but anyway...

"You show me somebody who falls in love with Jesus, and I'll show you a person who won't be a problem to society"

Where to start?? (Crooks & Liars)

Assholes do

"One cadet wrote to MRFF reporting that when he asked if he could post the Chief of Staff’s memorandum on a bulletin board at the Academy, the response he got was, “Don’t go there. Who’s side are you on?” Apparently, wanting to post a memorandum from the Chief of Staff of the Air Force now means you’re on the “wrong side” at the Air Force Academy."

 ✂...

"Of course, the Air Force Academy is doing its best to deny that the billboard had anything to do with its sudden decision to distribute the memorandum right after the billboard went up. But, in doing so, Academy spokesman Lt. Col. John Bryan has succeeded only in contradicting himself to a point where nobody could possibly believe the version of the story he’s putting out."

This Week In Christian Nationalism

Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann said Monday that it would be "foolish" to normalize trade with Cuba because Hezbollah could soon have "missile sites" there.

Crooks & Liars

"After being apprehended, Anderson became nervous when anyone tried to approach him, became aggressive and asked if the police were going to kill him. Anderson only calmed down after the officers advised him that the handcuffs were made of silver and the werewolf couldn't hurt him as long as he had them on."

Arkansas Online

"Scientists had been struggling to map the structure of M-PMV, a protein involved in a virus that causes a form of simian Aids, in an experiment called CASP9. The search, in that experiment and others, had been going on for more than a decade. The solution was not found by a laboratory but the players of an online puzzle game."

Telegraph

"Three jail inmates in a suicide watch cell were taken to the emergency room last month after apparently overdosing on narcotics that had been smuggled inside an inmate's rectum"

Herald-Tribune

"...there is more space junk headed our way next month. A defunct German space telescope calledROSAT is set to hit the planet at the end of October – and it even is more likely than UARS to cause injury or damage in populated areas."

New Scientist


Here's some good old Micro$oft bashing:

“[Steve Ballmer] did one of the smartest things I've ever seen him do as CEO today: He delegated responsibility by paying someone else to jump around like an asshole during his entrance instead of doing it all by himself,” said a poster. “Now if only he'd do the same with his regular day job.”

The Register

Our Wacky World—9/17/2011

I completely missing an important anniversary--the Wacky World Newsletter was ten years old last April. The best headline I've ever posted was "Rat Brain Flies Jet" In (belated) honor of this auspicious occasion, you can vote for this week's most imperative headline. The contestants are...

"P. Diddy sails on $850,000-a-week superyacht controlled by iPad"

vs...

"Gordon Ramsay Sex Dwarf Found Dead In Badger Sett"

Here's the horrid web site of the week: Creation Museum and Taxidermy Hall of Fame of NC and Antique Tool Museum

Michelle Bachmann assumes the position

Even the FDA is fed up with Dr. Oz:

"We have explained to you that arsenic occurs naturally in many foods in both inorganic and organic forms and that only the inorganic forms of arsenic are toxic, depending on the amount. We have advised you that the test for total arsenic DOES NOT distinguish inorganic arsenic from organic arsenic. The FDA believes that it would be irresponsible and misleading for The Dr. Oz Show to suggest that apple juice contains unsafe amounts of arsenic based solely on tests for total arsenic.":

Pharyngula



Erik Prince enters the video game market:

Critics have complained about the game because Blackwater employees take on missions for money, while U.S. soldiers, the focal point of games like "Modern Warfare 3" and "Battlefield 3," fight for their country.

CNN


Remember the woman who dressed her three year old up like a hooker for a TV show? Well...

"A mother who dressed her daughter like a prostitute for a toddler beauty pageant has revealed she has had death threats."

Mail Online

Funny, she doesn't look fat to me.
Michael Moore, on the other hand...

Michael Moore's new book describes his becoming the most hated American in America:

"This initial overwhelming response to Fahrenheit 9/11 spooked the Bush White House... After screening the movie with three different audiences in three separate cities, the news Karl Rove received was not good. The movie was not only giving a much-needed boost to the Democratic base (who were wild about the film), it was, oddly, having a distinct effect also on female Republican voters."

 ✂

"...a man in a nice suit saw me on the sidewalk and went crazy. He took the lid off his hot, scalding coffee and threw it at my face. The Seal saw this happening but did not have the extra half-second needed to grab the guy, so he put his own face in front of mine and took the hit...(he had second-degree burns) ...the Seal took the man face down to the pavement, placing his knee painfully in the man's back, and putting him in cuffs."

Guardian

'Acting on “credible information from a reliable source,” Metro Sgt. Mike Alba obtained a search warrant from Magistrate Court to send the woman into Memorial Medical Center to undergo a forcible and thorough body cavity search. Not only did the probe come up fruitless, however, but the woman was footed with a medical bill for $1,122'

Dispatches From The Culture Wars

Somebody's watching me

Costumed cops take on automotive scofflaws:

"Orange County deputy sheriff Richard Lockman, gets in the holiday mood Tuesday, December 9, 2008 dressed as an Elf, spots a red light runner in the intersection of the South Orange Blossom Trail and Taft-Vineland Road."

Orlando Sentinel


Death from the skies:

"Nasa admitted more than half a tonne of metal from the satellite, which ran out of fuel in 2005, will survive as the majority of it will burn up after entering Earth's atmosphere."

Telagraph


Church of $ex:

Who look like whores

"GoddessTemple is an organization of Tantra facilitators, body workers, relationship and sexuality counselors, touch therapists, sex surrogates, intuitive healers, Certified Tantric Therapists, sex educators, counselors and healers who practice yoga and other systems of healing and empowerment. Here you will find valuable information on conscious loving, pleasure and spiritual awakening."

Goddess Temple

And now they've been busted:

CNN

"However, joining the [microbial social network] site costs more than the typical fare of a valid email and unique password. The price tag for a MyMicrobes profile is a hefty $2,100, which basically covers the cost of having your gut bacteria sequenced. That may sound expensive, but it's cheaper than the cost of a typical full gut bacteria sequence (about $2,700)"

MNN

Our Wacky World—9/9/2011

Headline of the week—"Vincent Tarvin Probably Wouldn't Have Been Caught With Cocaine -- But Then He Pulled Out His Penis..."

Phoenix Times

Here's the latest twist in the great honeybee die-off mystery:

"...leaked U.S. Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) memos reveal that the agency gave conditional approval to pesticides now in wide use, without requiring adequate proof that they are safe to use around honeybees. In the wake of the new information, beekeepers are starting to blame the country's massive die-off of honeybees on the pesticides."

I suspect multiple factors. (PR Watch)

I can buy you

"An Australian federal senator, Adelaide's Nick Xenophon, has made public the church's abuse of their own staff; they’re paid some A$50 a week [US$53] and have been receiving that salary for some 30 years now. The legal minimum wage there is A$590/week [US$630]… One way the church gets around this minor problem is by pretending that the staff consists of volunteers. Sure."

SWIFT Blog

'We have a serious problem when a network formerly known as The Learning Channel features a toddler, who probably hasn't even learned to read, dressed as a prostitute showing off her sexy strut.' [pictures]

Mail Online

"Eric plunked down more than $2,000 for a big, shiny Sony HD TV from Best Buy. He also got Geek Squad Black Tie Protection in case the TV needed fixing, which is exactly what happened earlier this summer. But three months later, Eric's TV remains unrepaired. Below is the timeline..."

Consumerist


Looks like Pat Robertson's favorite lawyer is rolling in dough:

"A new report alleges that Sekulow and his family have reaped millions in defending religious organizations and fighting the separation of church and state. What is clear is that his decision to fight for religious groups did not involve a vow of poverty."

Turley's Blog

Classic posts on a dating site for Randtards:

"My name is Daniel. I consider myself to be a born-again egoist and I have dedicated the rest of my life to self-improvement. People see me as a socially inept loner because I tend to avoid superficial conversation but actually I love talking to people who like to think (the problem being I don’t know very many)."

NYmag

"I was a teacher for 12 years and recently became an administrator. All that I have done in my new job is deal with angry parents. I call to tell them that their precious angel did something and the first response is, 'How do you know it was him?' ... Today, it was the bus driver's fault that a child brought a dangerous weapon on the school bus. Really? Yesterday, it was a teacher's fault that a student stole something from an empty classroom."

CNN

"A Danish doctor is claiming that he took naked photographs of anorexia patients and forced them to use sex toys in an attempt to make them feel better about their bodies."

Ice News


Here's the latest in the Fat Woman Wars:

'Simpson said she suspects that Eman is in cahoots with her ex-manager and is trying to get publicity in order to compete for her fan base. Even worse: She accuses Eman of trying to take away her "World's Fattest Mom" title. "She says she's surpassed me as the world's fattest mom, but she doesn't understand that Guinness gave me the record because I was 532 pounds when I gave birth," Simpson said. "She wasn't that large when she gave birth to her kids."'

Huffington Post


Nothing to see here, walk away:

"Documents found in the abandoned Tripoli office of Muammar Gaddafi's intelligence chief indicate the U.S. and British spy agencies helped the fallen strongman persecute Libyan dissidents, Human Rights Watch said on Saturday."

Reuters

"The Arizona legislature has passed legislation that will now allow prisons to charge $25 for people to visit their family and friends in prison... legislators are pointing out that they originally wanted to charge babies and children as well but decided to be nice guys"

Turley's Blog

Meanwhile:

"Faced with 1930 Census records, New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez acknowledged that her grandparents illegally came to the USA from Mexico."

USAtoday