Monday, August 3, 2015

Our Wacky World—8/3/2015

We came in peace for all Whitemankind:
'While the parade of Confederate flags were passing through [the 77% black] town, video captured what appeared to be a bottle of water being thrown at Oliver's truck. "My initial reaction was, 'What the hell?'" Oliver recalled, adding that he could not understand why he had not been welcomed into the community.’
Crooks & Liars


Jesus is down with oral sex because god made men horny:
“...most doctors advice [sic] women not to have vaginal intercourse for 6 to 8 weeks after giving birth. If a man were to try and have vaginal sex with his wife during this period it would be highly painful for her and it might cause complications with her healing process. But that does not mean a woman cannot meet her husband’s sexual needs in other ways during this time. God has given her the ability to manually or orally satisfy her husband in order to meet his sexual needs...”
Very small penis and an apparently bottomless ass. He digs the hole deeper in the (mostly very negative) comments so you might want to appall yourself even more by reading them:
"Look up Stockholm Syndrome, Sarah, because what you and the writer of this blog are advocating fall under that disorder. If there is a war against Christianity, you people are on the forefront of the destroying army; this swill turns more people against Christ."
Gosh, what would Jesus say? "Bloody WANKERS" (Biblical Gender Roles)

Have to pay for all that neon
"Rene Quinton did experiments on abandoned dogs in 1897. In one experiment he completely removed a dog’s blood and replaced it with diluted seawater. The dog developed an infection and fever, but recovered and by the eighth day had become exaggeratedly exuberant and ran about wildly. Five years later the dog was still alive and well. 
"Based on this experiment, some people have suggested sea water could be used as a substitute for blood transfusions, which would be a great boon for Jehovah’s Witnesses if it worked.”
Science Based Medicine


Looks like the free ride is over in the UK. Cameron speaks:
“For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone. It’s often meant we have stood neutral between different values. And that’s helped foster a narrative of extremism and grievance.”

'It is hard to see how much unpopular speech would not pose a “risk of harassment, alarm, or distress.” I am not even sure what “creating a threat to the function of democracy” means. More importantly, speakers will not know what the government will view as violating such ill-defined terms.'
Jonathan Turley

"Ninety-five percent of women who have had abortions do not regret the decision to terminate their pregnancies… The conclusion comes after a three-year research period involving nearly 670 women of all social backgrounds"
Time



The great Kevin Trudeau payback is about to begin:
'The plan greenlighted by U.S. District Judge Robert Gettleman calls for the Federal Trade Commission to send several rounds of checks to purchasers of the hit book The Weight Loss Cure 'They' Don’t Want You to Know About using an address list turned over after the government sued Trudeau for lying about the contents of the book in his infomercials.'
Doubtful News


What a fucking surprise:
"Arizona tested more than 87,000 welfare recipients in the three years after the program began. The total number of drug cheats caught was exactly one — a single positive result, which saved the state precisely $560. 
"The net savings reaped from withholding benefits for those who either tested positive or failed to complete a drug test was around $3,500, once the $500 cost of testing the 19 is factored in, according to one state agency report. The haul is especially unimpressive when you consider the $1.7 million in savings state officials promised when they unveiled the program.”
Be sure to read the rest of it—it just increases in stupidity. Of course, their big mistake was not being conservative enough. They’ll try harder next time. (Policy Mic)

"God bless Ms. Coulter and hopefully some churches can throw in a prayer or two that she never has to sniff a fart by some uncouth immigrants in a crowded New York subway car, and her soul be saved from perdition. Maybe, a hymn can be rendered immediately to have her finely toned legs walk only on the finest of Persian red carpets in rooms full of Italian chandeliers instead of what Dominique Lapierre endured in the Pilkhana slum in Calcutta, living amongst lepers, to write the City of Joy. May degenerate peasant cultures never intrude on her lifestyle as she eats some artisan bread made by ‘peasants’."
American Bazaar

Also:
"Can you please not criticize Ann Coulter by talking about her prominent Adam’s apple, or saying she looks like a man? It’s sexist, and it’s transphobic. It’s sexist because you’re criticizing a woman in the public sphere by insulting her appearance, when that shouldn’t be relevant. And it’s both sexist and transphobic to insult women by saying they look like men: it reinforces the rigid gender binary, and reinforces the gender policing of trans people. There are approximately 879,500,403 legitimately negative things you can say about Ann Coulter. There’s no need to resort to sexism and transphobia. Thanks."
Yeah. (Greta Christina)


An exciting new form of ancient Chinese reflexology!:
"Pimples between the brows indicate an overloaded liver. People with pimples between the brows experience chest tightness, heart irregularity. May also be caused by bangs/hair fringe, as filth and bacteria accumulation from dirty hair stains the skin.

"Pimples near the eyes and nose indicate poor liver function. You are probably very tired, sleep very little, and are under constant stress. Your diet lacks essential nutrients."
Bun Bun Makeup Tips

"At the Y-12 facility, in addition to the three fences the protestors had to cut through with wire-cutters, there were cameras and motion detectors. But we too easily forget that technology has to be maintained and watched to be effective. ...20 percent of the Y-12 cameras were not working on the night the activists broke in. Cameras and motion detectors that had been broken for months had gone unrepaired. A security guard was chatting rather than watching the feed from a camera that did work. And guards ignored the motion detectors, which were so often set off by local wildlife that they assumed all alarms were false positives.”
The Bulletin Of The Atomic Scientists

'A French court on Tuesday jailed a woman, known as "Madame Yoghurt" for three years for conning thousands into buying a kit to make "magic cheese" that they could sell back to French cosmetics companies for use in luxury beauty products.'
The Local

"Dr. Schwartz started working with sub-audible sounds that interact with the same frequencies of human, biological cells. Being able to reprogram our cellular biology has led to major advancements in some of today’s most challenging health conditions. As Dr. Schwartz’s own research progressed, he began exploring the healing effects of musical instruments and other audible frequencies on the human body. This profound work provided the foundation for Bioharmonic Technologies and served as the origin of the Tonal Alchemy Series. Bioharmonic Technologies is currently working on a wide variety of healing music projects. Each CD will provide the customer with a unique listening experience while creating a lasting, therapeutic effect on one’s physical, emotional, and spiritual body."
Bioharmonic Technolgies

"The Raelian Movement...made a formal request to the government of Portugal asking it to build an embassy for extraterrestrials in the country. This space would serve not only as a diplomatic mission but also for the landing of spacecrafts. In a total area of 4,000 square meters (approximately 43,056 square feet), there would still be an expansive lawn, swimming pool, meeting room and accommodation aimed to the rest of the intergalactic visitors."
Folha de S.Paulo


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Our Wacky World—7/8/2015

"Donald Feathertone, creator of the iconic pink plastic flamingo that has decorated lawns for decades, died Monday… Featherstone died one day before National Pink Flamingo Day, a day created in his honor in 2007 by Dean Mazzarella, mayor of Leominster, Massachusetts, to honor the 50th anniversary of the plastic flamingo's creation in his town."
CNN


Safety last; so little time, so many ways to die:
'Russian Interior Ministry concerned about the increasing incidence of trauma and even death when trying to make a unique self. Each of these cases can be prevented. To this end, the Russian Interior Ministry memo created "Safe Self", designed to draw attention, first of all young people to this problem. We have tried to visualize, in the form of icons, represent the most traumatic cases the creation of self, thus to warn citizens against undue risk for a memorable picture. 
'When a person is trying to take a picture of himself - he scattered attention, he lost his balance, he does not look around and did not feel in danger. Do Self, making sure that you are in a safe place and your life is not in danger!'
MVD

The high resolution pdf of the entire brochure is here.

Hillary Rodham, rebel
"Despite the fact that Dinesh D’souza is a convicted felon and a serial liar, he is still something of a folk hero on the far right... To his followers, whether or not his attacks against Democratic political leaders are accurate or not is largely irrelevant… However, by circulating a doctored photo of Hillary Clinton, Dinesh D’Souza has merely confirmed what was already obvious to all but the cable news networks and his most ardent right-wing supporters. Dinesh D’Souza lacks intellectual honesty and critical discernment, and he doesn’t have an ounce of integrity."
Politics USA

“...Gavrilo Princip. Most of the world view him as a fanatic who triggered World War I with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. However, Serbia just honored him with a statue — commemorated by President Tomislav Nikolic, who heralded Princip as a freedom fighter and hero.”
Jonathan Turley


What dyslexia looks like:
"A graphic designer, ...he designed a typeface that is intentionally difficult to read. Because it slows down reading time, it's meant to simulate how it feels to read with dyslexia."
CNN


"Some 553 patients were given the unnecessary cancer treatments to 553 patients before Fata was arrested in 2013. He was accused of $35 million in Medicare fraud. He pleaded guilty in the fall to fraud, money laundering and conspiracy charges.”
Jonathan Turley


Now for the really fun stuff. Let’s start off with the latest twist in the Duggar Family Molestation Saga™:
"A non-Duggar family molestation victim is preparing to file a civil suit against Josh Duggar, sources tell In Touch magazine exclusively in the new issue on newsstands today. 
"The shocking development means that Josh and his parents Jim Bob and Michelle could be forced to give depositions and testify about Josh’s molestation scandal. The Duggars likely will have to answer every question as they will not be able to invoke their Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination because the criminal statute of limitations has expired.”
Emphasis added. Let the amnesia begin. (In Touch Weekly)


Religiosity vs. secularism—the latest poll results and the reasons for the changes in America:
"Just a generation ago, if you had religious doubts but lived in small-town America, you had no one to talk to. You had to keep your ideas to yourself and stay in the closet.

"Now, thanks to the Internet, you can connect with virtual communities of secularists all over the globe. In this day of instant information, any bizarre claim by religion [or anything else] can be instantly Googled. In many cases, the sites debunking religious claims will be in the top few hits (e.g, Scientology). Anyone with just a bit of curiosity or doubt, especially among the younger generations, can find things in just a few seconds that I never encountered in years of reading and searching when I was young and questioning my family’s Presbyterian faith.
No shit. Add to that paranormal bullshit artists like von Däniken and Berlitz as well. Astrology and the Bermuda Triangle. Debunkers were in short supply back then. (Skeptic)

Your Safety Last—click for story
Ex-Baltimore cop sees the light:
“...sitting in the van and watching people just living their lives, I started to see that these were just people. The main difference is that as a white kid growing up in my neighborhood, I was never going to get arrested for playing basketball in the street. I was never going to get patted down because I was standing on a street corner. There was no chance I was going to get a criminal record early on for basically being a kid. 
"When you watch people for hours and hours like that, you start to see the big picture. You start to see the cycle of how these kids get put in the system at a young age, often for doing nothing wrong, and how that limits their options, which pushes them into selling drugs or other crime. You start to see that they never had a chance."
Washington Post


Boy does this refrain sound familiar:
'But what if your dog or cat doesn’t tolerate BARF World pet food? Not to worry. Some may exhibit brief symptoms of “detox,” like diarrhea and vomiting, but this is normal, especially when converting from a “processed diet.”
'BARF World also sells a lot of other CAM stuff for your pet, such as Kefir and “Eastern Medicine” herbal supplement formulas. For example, “G.I Tract Herbal Formula for Dogs,” “harmonizes the stomach,” and, as an added bonus, “helps maintain contentment during travel” for dogs that have digestion issues, as well as those who “don’t want to travel in a vehicle.” You can even get a consultation with a “holistic” vet.'
Science-based Medicine



Another day, another doomed victim of cancer + quacks:
'In addition, I did 4-5 coffee enemas per day. The vegetable juices act like magnets, pulling toxins out of the cells and into the bloodstream. The body's entire blood stream filters through the liver once every three minutes. With so many juices, my liver was capturing and managing a lot of toxins. The coffee enemas force the liver to open up and release its' accumulated toxins. I learned pretty quickly that the coffee enemas were a good thing. If I went too long without one, I experienced abdominal pain or headaches. [like caffeine withdrawal?] My Gerson doctor said the pain was caused by toxins in my bloodstream pushing on nerve endings. Once I took a "coffee break", the pain went away. (We began using the term "coffee break" consistently in our home after we learned that our two and four year old daughters were running around the neighborhood telling everyone that mommy was in the house doing coffee enemas)’
Yeah, that was a long quote but MAN (*facepalm*). She’s doing the infamous “Gerson protocol”, among other things.
'In the alternative world [aka the "not real world"], doctors realize it's not stable cancer cells that kill people, it's proliferative, active cancer cells that kill. So, if I could keep the disease stable, I could live a very long life.’
Curing Myeloma


Eddie Van Halen on oral cancer:
“I used metal picks -- they’re brass and copper -- which I always held in my mouth, in the exact place where I got the tongue cancer,” he says. “Plus, I basically live in a recording studio that’s filled with electromagnetic energy. So that’s one theory. I mean, I was smoking and doing a lot of drugs and a lot of everything. But at the same time, my lungs are totally clear. This is just my own theory, but the doctors say it’s possible.”
Right. (Billboard)

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Our Wacky World—6/16/2015

Update to my previous post: Some Russian government types have been pwned by that satirical article.

'We already wrote this morning about the ridiculous claims by The Sunday Times that Snowden's documents had been either given to the Russians and Chinese or that they had cracked the encryption to get them… One of the links we pointed to was Glenn Greenwald himself challenging many of the claims in the Sunday Times
'Many people have been asking if the Sunday Times will say anything about the myriad problems with the article, and we now finally have a response. And it's...  to send a DMCA takedown notice to Greenwald's publisher'
Wankers. (TechDirt)

More info at The Register.


Not a wanker
"How did the gays and lesbians get us in such a lock-grip where we accept to whatever they do to us now as just another incremental destruction of our civilization? It started with the seat belt...”
Right Wing Watch

Sick of "the fags" "taking away" your “marriage" “rights"? Get a divorce, in Jesus’ name:
"The Christian couple have been happily married for over a decade, have no intention of separating and hope to have more children. ...in a novel protest against any successful move to legalise same sex-marriage in Australia, Mr Jensen wrote... that they are prepared to divorce.”
news.com.au

Here’s Nick’s original statement—I had trouble getting it to load but it’s an amusing read (hint: he’s a wanker)

Anyway, that’ll show ‘em. There is, however, one little snag in their highly-principled protest which they may not have considered:
“...to apply for divorce [in Australia] you have to prove that you have been separated for 12 months, and there is no reasonable likelihood of resuming married life. While you can live under the same roof and still be considered ‘separated’, you need to provide evidence that married life has broken down irreparably.

"Given that Nick and Sarah have as publicly as possible said they’re going to still refer to each other as ‘husband’ and ‘wife’, are going to try to have more children together and that for all intents and purposes, their lives will continue unchanged as a de facto couple, I’m pretty confident they have zero chance of getting a divorce."
Courier Mail

'In a February talk at the Montana Bible College about how to find "godly purpose" in work, Gianforte explained why retirement isn't consistent with biblical teachings. "There's nothing in the Bible that talks about retirement. And yet it's been an accepted concept in our culture today"' 
'"The example I think of is Noah," he continued. "How old was Noah when he built the ark? 600. He wasn't like, cashing Social Security checks, he wasn't hanging out, he was working. So, I think we have an obligation to work. The role we have in work may change over time, but the concept of retirement is not biblical.”'
Hey, let’s play that “what does Leviticus say?” game one more time, shall we? Wanker. (Huffington Post)


Some good news—Purveyor of “Miracle Mineral Solution” (aka bleach) found guilty:
"According to the instructions for use that Smith provided with his product, nausea, diarrhea and vomiting were all signs that the miracle cure was working.”
Justice News

Meanwhile, in the U.K.:
"Police and trading standards have been alerted to the plans for a two-day ‘seminar’ organised by the Genesis II Church, which has been accused of claiming that its Miracle Mineral Solution (MMS) - banned by the Food Standards Agency - can cure diseases such as cancer, HIV and malaria."

'Undercover reporters infiltrated a meeting hosted by Mr Kishon in Sussex last month where he was filmed advising a cancer patient that his post-treatment check-ups were "unnecessary”.’
Get Surrey

Pregnant women with WIFI have priority
'Research involving a former brain-eating tribe from Papua New Guinea is helping scientists better understand so-called prion conditions such as Parkinson's disease and dementia. "This is a striking example of Darwinian evolution in humans, the epidemic of prion disease selecting a single genetic change that provided complete protection against an invariably fatal dementia"'
ABC

"Not all psychopaths are criminals. They are in business, government, academia and media. You'll find lots of these people, but they're not committing criminal acts. They will take advantage of people.”
CNN


Just experimenting on the troops, nothing to see here:
'...participants were provided eight shots of rum in 10 minutes. About an hour later, they were allegedly injected with ketamine. ...one intoxicated participant received a penile nerve block, a type of anesthesia... 
'"I have been working in trauma centers for 30 years and I have never done a penile nerve block," said Dr. Mark Brown, an emergency room physician in Lancaster, California. "And why would you ever mix alcohol and drugs? It's very puzzling.”'
Reuters

"Two ultra-Orthodox Jewish schools have backed down on a proposed ban on mothers driving children to school after the Equality and Human Rights Commission warned them that it was unlawful and discriminatory.
Guardian


Professional fake psychic James Van Praagh has a new old racket:
"In this once-in-a-lifetime online certification course, James shares the tools you need to deepen your gifts, become a clear channel for readings, and create a fulfilling, successful spiritual business. 
"Now's the time to finally become the masterful psychic or intuitive you've always dreamed of being - all from the comfort of your own home!"
Did you notice that he’s not actually in the lotus position? Hell, even I can do that. Wanker. (JVP School Of Mystical Arts)

English as a second language
Scott Walker, quite possibly America’s lamest governor (now that Sarah Palin is out of office):
"Governor Walker and his allies in the Madison statehouse have found one corporate sector where they’re willing to raise taxes: bicycles. Though they have beenhesitant to consider boosting taxes on gasoline or vehicle registration fees, state lawmakers have been pushing a $25 tax on the sale of all new bicycles in the state...”
Crooks & Liars

Meanwhile, the business-friendly paradise that is Wisconsin is dead last in creating new businesses. But there’s a silver lining in the cloud, and that’s the sweetheart Milwaukee stadium deal that Walker’s fellow conservatives are all… uh, well:
'Perhaps most mortifying for Walker is that the plan is being publicly panned by the Wisconsin chapter of Americans for Prosperity. It was AFP that came to Walker's aid when his anti-union legislation sparked massive rallies and protests in 2011 and again when Walker came close to being ousted from office in a recall effort. But Wisconsin's AFP chapter is vociferously dumping on the stadium deal. 
'"The current deal is based on fuzzy math, complicated accounting and millions of taxpayer dollars," AFP state director David Fladeboe said last week. "This proposal needs to be rejected and the people of Wisconsin need to be protected."'
Mother Jones

And then:
"The lawyer representing six protesters who won a combined $44,830 in damages from the State of Wisconsin earlier this week believes the total cost for unconstitutional arrests and fines handed out by Capitol Police since 2011 could ultimately run over $1 million."
Crooks & Liars

Walker turns up, having done something else stupid, virtually every day. He’s really on a roll. I’m sure the Koch bros. will pour millions into his (hopefully equally lame) presidential campaign. Wankers 2016!

Click for more