Our Wacky World—9/22/2013

Wonderfully ambiguous headline: "Brain-eating amoeba girl leaves hospital"

Click for info

Lots of trigger-happy loons running around lately. Lots of stupid statements, including the spectacle of Alex Jones claiming the Navy yard shooting was a false flag operation aimed at taking him out. I was going to give him the coveted Most Fucked Argument/ Excuse/ Explanation/ Completely Irrelevant Aside Award™ but screw it, he's always saying shit like that. Far more interesting is watching the Republicans in the House slide into utter irrelevancy as they try to stop Obamacare/distract everyone from the silent death of any immigration bill.

A teaching moment on eBay:

"THIS AUCTION IS FOR ALL 4 ONE DIRECTION TICKETS IN SYDNEY OCTOBER 25th. You can thank my daughters self righteous and lippy attitude for their sale. See sweety? And you thought I was bluffing. I hope the scowl on your bitchy little friends faces when you tell them that your dad and i revoked the gift we were giving you all reminds you that your PARENTS are the ones that deserve love and respect more than anyone. And your silly little pack mentality of taking your parents for fools is one sadly mistaken. Anyhow. Your loss someone else's gain who deserves them! THE TICKETS ARE SEATED IN ROW O section 57. REMEMBER AUCTION IS FOR ALL 4 TICKETS and will be sent registered post 

"...OH YOUR FRIENDS THOUGHT THAT A FEW PRANKS CALLS WOULD PUT ME OFF SELLING THE GIFT WE BOUGHT FOR THEM for YOUR BIRTHDAY because YOU all LIED to us about sleep overs so you could hang like little trollops at an older guys HOUSE????? Pffft!! I find it HIGHLY amusing that you girls think you invented this stuff. Tricks like this on OUR parents is how HALF of you were conceived .....And why a lot of your friends DONT have an address to send that Fathers day card to!!! I'm not your friend. I'm your MOTHER. And I am here to give you the boundaries that YOU NEED to become a functional responsible adult. You may hate me now..... But I don't care. Its my job to raise a responsible adult..not nuture bad habits in my teen age child"

The last time I looked (before it was taken down) it was up to AU $36,000.00.

Great obit:

"Marianne Theresa Johnson- Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Sept. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small children, she refused to allow anyone else to care or show compassion towards them. When they became adults she stalked and tortured anyone they dared to love. Everyone she met, adult or child was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity, and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit."

KRNV

An Indian-American woman wins the Miss America pageant—cue the terminally ignorant assholes on Twitter:

"Miss Arab wins Miss America and the score of the Seattle/SanFran game is 5-0 at the half? What is life?"

You knew they'd work football into it somehow, right? (Buzzfeed)

I feel safer already after visiting their web site:

"Black Ops Protective Agency is a full national firm especializing [sic] in all aspects of executive protection, investigations, security services and threat management agency with emphasis on personal threat concerns, random crime, residential privacy issues of every description. Our core approach, techniques, and training methods are based upon law enforcement and military model of discipline, proactive and precentative [sic] executive security. Our agents are the most qualified personnel with intensive background in law enforcement, military and protection services."

Note how the text doesn't fit on the pages. Note the poor writing. Did they pay someone to design their site? (Black Ops)

"An eight month old baby is recovering in hospital after a monkey tore off one of his testicles before running away and eating it."

Mirror

"Wedding delayed in Brentwood after man cuts off testicles"

Brentwood Weekly


A different kind of yeast infection:

"...the team searched the man's belongings for liquor and then isolated him in a hospital room for 24 hours. Throughout the day, he ate carbohydrate-rich foods, and the doctors periodically checked his blood for alcohol. At one point, it rose 0.12 percent."

NPR

"Feminist" "natural" "abortion":

"Muscio, who is very clear about her opinions on 'Western medicine' (she at one point refers to it as 'that smelly dog who farts across the house and we just don’t have the heart to put out of its misery'), eventually gets pregnant again, and this time she tries something else:  

"'I started talking to my girlfriends. Looking to my immediate community for help led me to Judy, the masseuse, who rubbed me in places you aren’t supposed to rub pregnant ladies. She also did some reflexology in the same vein. Panacea told me where to find detailed recipes for herbal abortifacients and emmenagogues. Esther supported me and stayed with me every day. Bridget brought me flowers. Possibly most important was the fact that I possessed not one single filament of self-doubt. With that core of supportive women surrounding me and with my mind made up, I was pretty much invincible.'"

Brute Reason

She's lucky to be alive after all that shit. Be sure to read the linked article, "The terrifying history of herbal abortion medicines." Yet another reason why clinical abortion should be legal.

James Randi weighs in on psychics and the polygraph:

"The blatant fact is that not a single spy has ever been caught by a polygraph screening exam."

Yep. (eSkeptic)


Paid liar for the Bush Admin. Dana Perino is sooo tired of atheists:

"Beckel noted that what the lawyer didn't say was that you don't have to say the Pledge if you don't want to. Dana Perino said that she was 'tired of them' and recounted how, when she worked in the Justice Department, a similar lawsuit 'came through' and before the day ended, the Congress passed a resolution to keep 'under God' in the Pledge. She said that 'our representatives have spoken again and again, and if these people don't like it, they don't have to live here.' (Same could be said for all those Christians who oppose abortion and gay marriage?)"

Newshounds

Because "our representatives" always do what we want them to. And they believe that they're winning when they're losing. Take Rand Paul for instance:

“Does anybody remember Charlie Sheen when he was kind of going crazy…And he was going around, jumping around saying ‘Winning, winning, we’re winning,’" Paul said. "Well I kind of feel like that, we are winning. And I’m not on any drugs.”

Yeah, his terminal disconnect with reality comes naturally. (NBC)

"Is there a blow torch under North America that causes rare, but deadly, earthquakes? Some geologists think they might have found the buried track of just such a hotspot from Missouri to Virginia."

Discovery

Our Wacky World—9/3/2013

Detroit has run out of paper—good luck getting a birth or death certificate. 

Nope, Einstein did not say that.

Do you have your homeopathic first aid kit? I'm sure it works great for anaphylactic shock.

How about a school lockdown toilet? A school district in California just bought 1800.

I can't make this shit up:

"More Louisiana Republicans Blame President Obama For Hurricane Katrina Response Than Bush"

Think Progress

Click to read about this bullshit

"Documents released Monday by the Texas Department of Public Safety’s provided no new evidence that officers found one jar of urine and 18 containers of feces at the Capitol before a July 12 debate on a controversial abortion bill."

Texas Tribune

PeTA FAIL:

"Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants. Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size."

Note that a homeopathic preparation of this "chemical" would make your penis bigger—if homeopathy actually worked.

Land of a MIllion Gods

If you have to ask...you're running out of topics for your TV show

"Since I began blogging in 2007, I’ve been told that I’m a racist, sexist, fascist, communist, woman-hater, man-hater, liar with no conscience, a scam artist, a sexless virgin, a misogynistic player, and too young to know anything about anything. Strangely, I’ve never been accused of being any of these things in my personal life."

Mark Manson


Self-styled child development expert Jenny McCarthy is a smoker and she hasn't quit yet:

"I also could not escape the irony of the woman who rails against 'toxins' in vaccines and described her struggles trying to stop smoking when she was pregnant now shilling for a device designed to be used to inhale a toxic substance (nicotine) into one’s lungs. On the other hand, she has in the past raved about how she absolutely 'loves' Botox; so maybe it’s not so difficult to understand."

Science-based Medicine

Botox is "natural," just like arsenic and strychnine.

"In the 1970s, reports Darling-Hammond, Finland’s student achievement was low. But in the decades since, they have steadily upgraded their education system until now they’ve reached the top. What’s more, they took what was once a wide achievement gap between rich and poor, and reduced it until it’s now smaller than in nearly all other wealthy nations. Here’s how..."

Skepticblog

"In what will surely go down in history as one the greatest architectural blunders, the town of Benidorm in Alicante, Spain, had almost completed its 47-story skyscraper when it realized it excluded plans for elevator shafts."

Daily News


Great headline:

"Women who fear being forced to marry abroad told to hide spoon in underwear"

Guardian

 

"The FBI has now gotten involved into the false lien filing business and considers the massive filings as a type of 'paper terrorism'. This is one of the few times lately that I agree with the FBI."

Turley's blog


Howard Kurtz is settling into his new Fox News gig:

"Asked why she believed Kurtz would write such a column, Quinn said she did not know, other than he could not find anything else to write about."

Crooks & Liars

"Parents in Tennessee came to court to deal with a dispute over the last name to be used for their 7-month-old son. However, Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew ordered the first name to be changed because the parents had named the boy 'Messiah.' Ballew admits that she has never ordered a first name change (particularly when both parents were in agreement with the name) but that messiah is a name earned by one person and 'that one person is Jesus Christ.'"

Turley's blog

"Top copyright troll Prenda Law has been caught red-handed seeding torrenting sites with pornographic films in an effort to drum up business for its copyright lawyers."

The Register

Our Wacky World—8/10/2013

Cry me a fucking river:

"The former police lieutenant who became the target of worldwide ire after dousing Occupy UC Davis protesters with pepper spray, John Pike, is appealing for worker’s compensation, claiming psychiatric injury caused by the Nov. 18, 2011, incident."

"The pepper spray Pike used, MK-9, ...was not sanctioned for use by the department and officers were not trained in its use, according to the task force report. In addition, Pike used it incorrectly by spraying protesters from close range..."

Alternet

The good news is that she's not running for office... in the U.S.:

"I don't oppose Islam as a country...but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia. Jews aren't under haram. They have their own religion, which follows Jesus Christ."

Occupy America

Click to enlarge the good news

"You may see Jesus when you look at them," Steven Krieser...wrote Tuesday regarding illegal immigrants. "I see Satan."

JS Online

“If you are a lover of the vinyl LP, this unit from Furutech will be one of those all-to-rare “must-have” components. There is information in the grooves that is always being obscured, minimized, and dulled by the interaction between magnetism on the disc and the electronics of the cartridge. So what will you hear? Deep, deeper into the heart of the recording itself. The difference has really shocked members of my listening panel–it’s that obvious!” – Harry Pearson, The Absolute Sound, Golden Ear Award Issue 2011

Music Direct

"The feds are currently investigating alleged failures by the University of Southern California officials and campus police to prosecute rape — including one student who was told that no rape occurred in her case because her alleged assailant did not orgasm. Yep."

Jezebel

"...anti-choicers slipped squishy fetus toys into children's candy bags during a parade a North Dakota State Fair. The doll, called 'The Precious One' is manufactured by Heritage House, a pro-life store, and retails for $1.50 apiece, less if you buy them in bulk, which apparently the pro-lifers did, since there were lots of five and six year olds running around squeezing, throwing and playing with their squeezable fetus toys afterwards."

You can buy them here. They have two types: "caucasian" and "ethnic". (Alternet)

"Why not just put a sign on the street saying any time you leave your car, the government can search it? This is just more TSA mission creep, first it's keeping weapons off planes, then keeping a safe perimeter around airports, and then all of a sudden, you have justification for searching cars in front of any building, anywhere."

Mother Jones

"For years, curiosity seekers visiting the Fort Worth, Texas, grave of Lee Harvey Oswald have wondered about the simple headstone next door, marked Nick Beef. It turns out Nick Beef is alive and living in New York."

KBOI


Google supports evil—employees rebel:

"In the face of urgent threats like climate change, there are times where companies like Google must display moral leadership and carefully evaluate their political bedfellows," they conclude. "Google's support of Senator James [I never met a climate change denialist I didn't like] Inhofe's re-election campaign is one of those moments."

The Register