Our Wacky World—9/3/2013

Detroit has run out of paper—good luck getting a birth or death certificate. 

Nope, Einstein did not say that.

Do you have your homeopathic first aid kit? I'm sure it works great for anaphylactic shock.

How about a school lockdown toilet? A school district in California just bought 1800.

I can't make this shit up:

"More Louisiana Republicans Blame President Obama For Hurricane Katrina Response Than Bush"

Think Progress

Click to read about this bullshit

"Documents released Monday by the Texas Department of Public Safety’s provided no new evidence that officers found one jar of urine and 18 containers of feces at the Capitol before a July 12 debate on a controversial abortion bill."

Texas Tribune

PeTA FAIL:

"Findings published by the Study for Future Families showed that eating poultry during pregnancy may lead to smaller penis size in male infants. Looking at dairy products, eggs, fish, fruit, bird meat, potatoes, tomatoes, vegetables, and red meat, researchers found the most significant link between chicken consumption and decreased penis size because of a chemical compound found in the meat. Furthermore, evidence indicates that heterosexual women’s sexual satisfaction depends in part on their partner’s penis size."

Note that a homeopathic preparation of this "chemical" would make your penis bigger—if homeopathy actually worked.

Land of a MIllion Gods

If you have to ask...you're running out of topics for your TV show

"Since I began blogging in 2007, I’ve been told that I’m a racist, sexist, fascist, communist, woman-hater, man-hater, liar with no conscience, a scam artist, a sexless virgin, a misogynistic player, and too young to know anything about anything. Strangely, I’ve never been accused of being any of these things in my personal life."

Mark Manson


Self-styled child development expert Jenny McCarthy is a smoker and she hasn't quit yet:

"I also could not escape the irony of the woman who rails against 'toxins' in vaccines and described her struggles trying to stop smoking when she was pregnant now shilling for a device designed to be used to inhale a toxic substance (nicotine) into one’s lungs. On the other hand, she has in the past raved about how she absolutely 'loves' Botox; so maybe it’s not so difficult to understand."

Science-based Medicine

Botox is "natural," just like arsenic and strychnine.

"In the 1970s, reports Darling-Hammond, Finland’s student achievement was low. But in the decades since, they have steadily upgraded their education system until now they’ve reached the top. What’s more, they took what was once a wide achievement gap between rich and poor, and reduced it until it’s now smaller than in nearly all other wealthy nations. Here’s how..."

Skepticblog

"In what will surely go down in history as one the greatest architectural blunders, the town of Benidorm in Alicante, Spain, had almost completed its 47-story skyscraper when it realized it excluded plans for elevator shafts."

Daily News


Great headline:

"Women who fear being forced to marry abroad told to hide spoon in underwear"

Guardian

 

"The FBI has now gotten involved into the false lien filing business and considers the massive filings as a type of 'paper terrorism'. This is one of the few times lately that I agree with the FBI."

Turley's blog


Howard Kurtz is settling into his new Fox News gig:

"Asked why she believed Kurtz would write such a column, Quinn said she did not know, other than he could not find anything else to write about."

Crooks & Liars

"Parents in Tennessee came to court to deal with a dispute over the last name to be used for their 7-month-old son. However, Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew ordered the first name to be changed because the parents had named the boy 'Messiah.' Ballew admits that she has never ordered a first name change (particularly when both parents were in agreement with the name) but that messiah is a name earned by one person and 'that one person is Jesus Christ.'"

Turley's blog

"Top copyright troll Prenda Law has been caught red-handed seeding torrenting sites with pornographic films in an effort to drum up business for its copyright lawyers."

The Register

Our Wacky World—8/10/2013

Cry me a fucking river:

"The former police lieutenant who became the target of worldwide ire after dousing Occupy UC Davis protesters with pepper spray, John Pike, is appealing for worker’s compensation, claiming psychiatric injury caused by the Nov. 18, 2011, incident."

"The pepper spray Pike used, MK-9, ...was not sanctioned for use by the department and officers were not trained in its use, according to the task force report. In addition, Pike used it incorrectly by spraying protesters from close range..."

Alternet

The good news is that she's not running for office... in the U.S.:

"I don't oppose Islam as a country...but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia. Jews aren't under haram. They have their own religion, which follows Jesus Christ."

Occupy America

Click to enlarge the good news

"You may see Jesus when you look at them," Steven Krieser...wrote Tuesday regarding illegal immigrants. "I see Satan."

JS Online

“If you are a lover of the vinyl LP, this unit from Furutech will be one of those all-to-rare “must-have” components. There is information in the grooves that is always being obscured, minimized, and dulled by the interaction between magnetism on the disc and the electronics of the cartridge. So what will you hear? Deep, deeper into the heart of the recording itself. The difference has really shocked members of my listening panel–it’s that obvious!” – Harry Pearson, The Absolute Sound, Golden Ear Award Issue 2011

Music Direct

"The feds are currently investigating alleged failures by the University of Southern California officials and campus police to prosecute rape — including one student who was told that no rape occurred in her case because her alleged assailant did not orgasm. Yep."

Jezebel

"...anti-choicers slipped squishy fetus toys into children's candy bags during a parade a North Dakota State Fair. The doll, called 'The Precious One' is manufactured by Heritage House, a pro-life store, and retails for $1.50 apiece, less if you buy them in bulk, which apparently the pro-lifers did, since there were lots of five and six year olds running around squeezing, throwing and playing with their squeezable fetus toys afterwards."

You can buy them here. They have two types: "caucasian" and "ethnic". (Alternet)

"Why not just put a sign on the street saying any time you leave your car, the government can search it? This is just more TSA mission creep, first it's keeping weapons off planes, then keeping a safe perimeter around airports, and then all of a sudden, you have justification for searching cars in front of any building, anywhere."

Mother Jones

"For years, curiosity seekers visiting the Fort Worth, Texas, grave of Lee Harvey Oswald have wondered about the simple headstone next door, marked Nick Beef. It turns out Nick Beef is alive and living in New York."

KBOI


Google supports evil—employees rebel:

"In the face of urgent threats like climate change, there are times where companies like Google must display moral leadership and carefully evaluate their political bedfellows," they conclude. "Google's support of Senator James [I never met a climate change denialist I didn't like] Inhofe's re-election campaign is one of those moments."

The Register

Our Wacky World—7/21/2013

Orson Scott Card is still an ass. Oregon has a state microbe.

Mr. False Equivalence, Howard "both sides do it" Kurtz made some choice remarks during his final appearance on CNN (he's moving to Fox). No quotes from me. Read it for yourself. He's the poster-child for the crypto-journalism that reigns today. This self-proclamed "media watchdog" is just another asshole-enabling douche.

The voice of white supremacy:

"Zimmerman's defense attorney, Mark O'Mara, remarked that if his client were black, 'he never would've been charged with a crime.'"

Huffington Post

Short memory

"...if my vagina could shoot bullets it would have fewer regulations on it"

Margaret and Helen

"Shouting 'Hail Satan!' to abortion protesters is both ludicrous and meaningless," said Gilmore, who's led the Church of Satan since 2001. "Only attention-seeking fools would do so."

CNN

It's official:

"When political correctness takes over the beer advertising industry, the terrorists have won," said Watters, who is better known for his job as a producer on Bill O'Reilly's Fox News show. "I mean, this is absolutely outrageous!"

Crooks & Liars

"More than 70 members of Congress were polled and 99 percent of them did not know –- even roughly speaking –- how many nuclear weapons the United States has. Also, 95 percent could not think of any situation in which the United States should use nuclear weapons."

Occupy America

Guess who's been banned in the UK:

"Pamela Geller and her partner in Islamophobic hatemongering Robert Spencer have been banned from entering the United Kingdom. This has sparked a predictable flurry of whines from Geller, who uses the word 'jihad' a lot to scare people but really has no clue what it actually means."

Crooks & Liars

Word

Sorry for the long quote but this is so superlative any editing would be a crime against comic insanity:

"Many mystics, philosophers and spiritual teachers agree that the key to our evolution as a species lies within our DNA. If all strands of DNA were active, we would have 12 strands. According to some, each strand correlates with a different dimension of consciousness, or a different perspective by which we can experience this reality. Those who study and practice DNA activation techniques say the 2 basic DNA strands keep us at a very dense, physical structure and perspective of reality, but as we activate more DNA, our bodies change to become less dense and more ‘full of light.’ This state can be recognized in beings known in spiritual and religious traditions as ‘ascended masters’ with glowing halos and radiant skin. As evolution in consciousness occurs, and DNA ‘turns on’ it is speculated that this would mean a transformation from a carbon-based matter body, to a silica-based, and finally a crystalline liquid-light pre-matter state body, where the body would glow with light. According to sources, most of us have approximately 3-3.5 strands activated, allowing for the experience of only three dimensions of reality."

Pharyngula

3~3.5 strands of DNA active? Reminds me of the time a friend of mine was told that there are two demons in every six-pack of beer. Does that mean every can of beer contains 1/3 of a demon?

Along similar lines:

"Apparently, they invaded my body from animals or from dirt. They used to eat plants; but because the plants have been genetically modified, the bugs now eat us. I also have a type of worm in my blood vessels. These creatures come in couples — with the female living in the male body. What’s more, I have an overabundance of vitamin C in my kidneys and an inflammation of the sciatic nerve caused by a plasma virus. Plus, my prostate gland is infected by a brown mushroom and my red blood cells are a little too big because of microbacilli released by plants in my office or from eating fruits that weren’t washed properly. I also have a viral infection in my right eye and my muscles don’t work properly because mushrooms have grown roots and tangled the muscle strings."

Montreal Gazzette

Click for more info

"Julie Redfern suffered seven years of being able to hear her eyeballs move and the blood move through her veins in a rare hearing condition. The receptionist, of Padiham, Lancashire, had to stop dining with friends because she could not hear them speak over the sound of her own chewing. ... [she] also had to cut out crunchy foods like apples and crisps because of the loud noises they made."

Telegraph


They start them young in Sparta, er, Belgium:

"The police's reaction was caused, in part, by reports from other diners at the club, who said Neijens's black backpack made him look like a "terrorist." As for the baby, Detective Harding reportedly told Neijens that, "In Sri Lanka, babies are used by terrorists.'"

Gawker

"There was some distress in the classroom as a number of children collapsed after they were asked to colour in pictures of sexual organs"

The Local

Amusing prank

"The landlord, David Salkin, asked the ATF to pay to cover damage to the building and unpaid utility bills. ATF supervisors in Milwaukee and regional headquarters in St. Paul refused. When Salkin pressed his case, an ATF attorney warned him to stop contacting the agency or it may be considered threatening a federal agent."

JS Online

"EDA's CIO, fearing that the agency was under attack from a nation-state, insisted instead on a policy of physical destruction. The EDA destroyed not only (uninfected) desktop computers but also printers, cameras, keyboards, and even mice. The destruction only stopped—sparing $3 million of equipment—because the agency had run out of money to pay for destroying the hardware."

Ars Technica

"We've heard Pandora complain it pays too much in royalties to make a profit. (Of course, we also watched Pandora raise $235 million in its IPO and double its listeners in the last two years.) But a business that exists to deliver music can't really complain that its biggest cost is music. You don't hear grocery stores complain they have to pay for the food they sell. Netflix pays more for movies than Pandora pays for music, but they aren't running to Congress for a bailout."

USAToday

Spending the hard-earned cash