Wine wootacular

Darwin Award

The amount of sheer bullshit surrounding the "art" of wine tasting is well known to the skeptical community. Its extreme practitioners fall into the same general category as golden-eared audiophiles and people who can see N rays. All this has been dealt with before by greater lights than myself so I won't even attempt an analysis here. But today I ran across some of the most insane claims about wine tasting yet:

"Now, as a master herbalist and aroma-therapist, and as someone who has lectured extensively on natural health, anatomy and physiology I know a thing or two about plants, and how people perceive them. So, based upon what I know about how living cells function, these are my insights."

Wow, I'm impressed already. There's nothing like self-appointed experts. He seems to be bragging about how much he's talked about these topics rather than how much he actually knows about them. He also seems to think that "expertise" in one area somehow makes you an expert in another.

"Like all living things wine cells have a magnetic polarity, just like humans and the Earth. The positive pole is more highly charged, just like the North Pole of the Earth, which is why there are Northern Lights in the Arctic Circle, but not Southern Lights in the Antarctic."

Wine cells? WTF?? Strangely, his broad expertise don't extend to the Earth's magnetosphere as he's never heard of the aurora australis.

"Because plant molecules are mostly liquid, when they form they are also subject to the electromagnetic forces that are a component of the rotation of the Earth. As a result, the pores on the surface of the molecules develop based on that rotation, like the shingles on a roof."

Pores on the surface of molecules??? He goes on to make a comparison to the nap of hair.

At least he clears up the "wine cells" thing in a follow-up article:

Someone quite rudely took exception with my use of the word cell, which is in fact incorrect. The proper term would be molecule or even atom. Everything has a polarity right down to the atomic level, and when put into suspension in a liquid it rotates in relation to that pole. Because we are on a planet that has both a polar system and a consistent rotation, everything forms with a pole and a circular patterning. Wind it one way and it tightens and wind it the other and it unwinds.

Molecule, atom, what-the-fuck-ever. It all "winds" up the same.

Honestly this is just basic physics related to molecular science and plant chemistry, something which herbalists and herbal researchers deal with all the time. A pretty sober group of people. By the way, I've done an informal study of this and my hyper-sensitive clients all notice the difference in the swirl directions and the nature of the scents.

Bottom line: herbalist = <insert whatever professional scientific field here>

The fundamental claim would be ridiculously easy to disprove in a double-blind test but I doubt if anyone would bother. It's too petty. Please note that I'm not quoting the complete articles here. You really need to read them for yourself (they're short). What a whopping load of stupid to start the day with.

Update: I completely forgot to mention Biodynamic wine:

Let us take the case of Preparation 502. Yarrow is used because, “Its homeopathic sulphur-content . . . enables the yarrow to ray out its influences to a greater distance and through large masses.” As for why we should put it in a stag’s bladder, Steiner gets to the heart of his discussion here: The bladder of the stag is connected . . . with the forces of the Cosmos. Nay, it is almost the image of the Cosmos. We thereby give the yarrow the power quite essentially to enhance the forces it already possesses, to combine the sulphur with the other substances."

How could I not put that in? It's now a fundamental part of the wine industry.

Orson Welles drunk

"I wouldn't give you two cents for all the self-ordained or self-annointed preachers in the world"—Reverend Jim Bakker, former head of PTL 

Our Wacky World—8/11/2011

"Giant rat kills predators with poisonous hair"

Genetics FAIL:

"Chromosomes are the set of genetic instructions that guide the creation of an organism. Every human embryo begins with two X chromosomes, but in order to be a male, one of the X chromosomes turns into a Y chromosome."

Evolving Scientist

"Muslim Americans are the staunchest opponents of military attacks on civilians, compared with members of other major religious groups Gallup has studied in the United States. Seventy-eight percent of Muslim Americans say military attacks on civilians are never justified" [note who came in second]

Gallup


Let's drop in on a Xtian love-fest:

[Kirk] Cameron offered a personal anecdote: “I was in a movie a few years back… Fireproof.” (It was good that he mentioned this… in case we missed the previous seventeen references to his hit Christian film.) He explained that although he and his wife were both actors, they have a rule never to kiss another person, even on screen. During the filming of the movie, there was a scene that would not have been as moving if the husband and wife did not reconcile with a kiss. Cameron was giddy with pride while he explained the clever way he and his wife skirted this sticky situation. He had his wife wear his co-star’s dress, don a wig, and act as a “kiss double.”

Friendly Atheist

In written arguments, the defense lawyers claimed it was “prosecutorial misconduct” for the Dutchess County assistant district attorney handling the rape case, Kristine Hawlk, to arrange for Rosie to be taken into the courtroom. Cute as the dog was, the defense said, Rosie’s presence “infected the trial with such unfairness” that it constituted a violation of their client’s constitutional rights.

NYT


Next up on the Denialist list:

“Did you know that most sunscreen products may actually help promote cancer rather than prevent it? That being the case, you should think twice before you marinate yourself in all those chemicals that can be found in any commercially made sunscreen products.”

CSI

Deer antlers? Yes, chemists have figured out the velvet from immature deer antlers includes insulin-like growth factor, or IGF-1, a precursor to producing human growth hormone. The antlers are harvested from young deer, ground up and packaged into spray form. The substance is sprayed under the tongue. One manufacturer touts among its benefits "anabolic or growth stimulation," "athletic performance" and "muscular strength and endurance."

Sports Illustrated


It would appear that Warren Jeffs, esq., has had his day in court:

"Polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs made a third attempt Monday to remove the Texas judge overseeing his child sex assault case — this time based on the claim that God himself demands a change."

Deseret News

Jeffs stood up and shouted objections over the recording. “I am but a mortal man seeking peace!” he cried. Eventually, judge, jury, and prosecutors put on headphones to block out his protests. Prosecutors say they will play a third recording, reportedly of Jeffs having sex with a 12-year-old, before resting their case.

Newser

And he's been convicted and sentenced:

"Things are happening so quickly. There is an even younger girl that the Lord wants me to take. She is 13. For some reason the Lord is sending me these girls that can be worked with."

Click here to find out why he's smiling

Our Wacky World—8/2/2011

Sorry for the long delay between posts. I've just been too busy to finish one up. Now that everyone in the world realizes that the US has three political parties, one of which ties the hands of another, let's see what the quackosphere has to offer this week...

These Fossils Are [sic] Formed By Volcanic Activity Brought On By Meteorites Impacting The California Coastline Millions Of Years Ago. When The Impacts Hit The Coastline, Sand And Sea Shells Where [sic] Subsiquintly [sic] Deposited Inland, Forty Feet Of Sand In Some Area's! [sic] Basicly Cooking These Fossil's Before They Could Change There [sic] Facial Expressions! These fossils are also from the Franciscan formation. 

There Are More Than Ten Heads On The Ramphamorph Nest Piece! Named Ramphamorph Obviously For The Funny Snorkle "Gill Ram" On The Right Side Of Their Head's For Breathing under water while chasing pre-historic salmon. The Hatchlings Have Tails, [sic] That Have Detail Better [sic] Then Any Other I Have Ever Seen. On The Under Side [sic] Is Mom, An Egg And A Little Baby That has It's [sic] Eye Open !Bottom Row Middle jpg. This Fossil provides endless study oppertunity. [sic] I'm Asking $100,000. O.B.O.

pterodactylfossilsforsale.com


There' a new skeptic blog site in town. All your favorite lefty evolutionists and godless atheists are hanging out there now (sorry, ScienceBlogs): The reason for the move is that National Geographic has bought Scienceblogs from Seed and are clamping down on the rampant militant activism. At the moment the new site is having problems with a crappy host so be patient.

'Before singing Meat is Murder, the 52-year-old British musician told the crowd: “We all live in a murderous world, as the events in Norway have shown, with 97 dead [sic]. Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried s--- every day.”'

Morrissey is a bloody wanker (Telegraph)

Meanwhile, the shooter in Norway is a big Pam Geller fan!:

"Popular hate blogger Pam Geller has received scrutiny in recent days as the public became aware that the right-wing terrorist in Norway, Anders Behring Breivik, had praised her blog and thoroughly cited her writing in his political manifesto."

Think Progress

Someone has certainly been doing a lot of searching for Pam Geller lately. Here are the hits I'm getting:

Sylvia and Heath, like peas in a pod

Check out this quote from some right-wing, anti-tax corporate/Tea Party asshole:

"HALF of America pays NO taxes. Zero. So they're happy for tax rates to be raised on the other half that DOES pay taxes."

Irregular News

Surprise, it's mega-pastor Rick Warren. I guess we know now who he won't be voting for in 2012. Assuming Obama is re-elected (see the official GOP graphic at bottom of this post), we can only hope that Rick Warren won't be invited to give the damn inaugural prayer this time around. And maybe, just maybe, some people I know will finally see him for the douche that he is (you know who you are).

Here's another gem of fiscal wisdom from the great budget standoff:

"But I couldn't help thinking, well, if we weren't in such a precarious situation and hadn't overextended ourselves to such an incredible extent where we are sending out 80 million checks a month - the U.S. government - wouldn't we have been able to handle those things like the two wars in a much better, stronger fiscal position, and isn't that where we really want to be as a country, where a war doesn't bust us because we've got good fundamentals?"

Media Matters

Join the circus

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft:

"I hope we gave a little lesson to the people in Washington because the debt ceiling is a lot easier to fix than this was," he said Monday at a presser announcing an end to the months-long stalemate between owners and players.

CNN

That's a fantastic analogy, in that anyone who thinks it remotely applies to the current ideological impasse in Washington is living in a fantasy world. The NFL standoff always was a win-win situation for everybody because there were billions to go around. Meanwhile, the world held its breath while the real wheeling and dealing took place outside the spotlight:

"Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) outlined the GOP's debt-ceiling plan to conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh on Monday before showing it to his conference. "

The HIll

See what I mean? What were the NFL team owners thinking when they didn't consult Rush in their hour of darkness? It would have saved them so much trouble. After all, he used to be a sportscaster as well as a big fat idiot.

The Official Response™ strikes again:

$17,233.07

Bishop Connors on Tuesday said not even revelations from Detective Sergeant Kevin Carson that 26 young men had killed themselves after being abused by priests and brothers in Ballarat convinced him that more would be learnt from an inquiry. "I think we've learnt a lot of things about what is appropriate behaviour and what's not appropriate behaviour. "I think people are very well informed nowadays as to what's inappropriate approaches from a male."

So he's saying "they" didn't "know" in 1969? How about 1988? (Herald Sun)

"The townhouse,...had belonged to a woman named Kathryn Norris, and the 1987 silver Chevy Nova was registered to her, too. She had used a normal amount of electricity in July 2009 and much less in August and none after that. She had paid her mortgage in August and then stopped. Her head was on the floor and her feet were on the seat. The corpse, deputies wrote in their report, was wearing a dress. How could a woman die a block from the beach, surrounded by her neighbors, and not be found for almost 16 months?"

Tampa Bay

In fact, other than the inclusion of "Jersey Shore" clips that our animated heroes unload on in favor of music videos, the clip looks like it's straight out of the 1990s -- in a very, very good way. "I'm a whore, hello?" says Snooki in a snippet from "The Jersey Shore." "That's how she answers the phone," jokes Butt-head, to the giggling approval of his pal Beavis.

The Wrap

"A high school southeast of Little Rock would not let a black student be valedictorian though she had the highest grade-point average, and wouldn't let her mom speak to the school board about it until graduation had passed, the graduate claims in Federal Court."

Courthouse News

"For years sickened locals in Wunsiedel have had to put up with a steady stream of far-right activists turning up to honour [Rudolph] Hess, who parachuted into Scotland in a botched bid to broker a peace deal between Britain and Germany in 1941. Every August 17 neo-Nazis march through the town to mark the date of his death in 1987."

Mirror

"...two mortuary attendants were on duty and heard the man screaming as they prepared for another funeral. The terrified pair ran out of the building into the street after assuming the bellowing was coming from a ghost. They called for help before eventually going back into the morgue and realising the 'corpse' was still alive."

Mail Online

They can hardly wait