Saturday, July 28, 2012

Our Wacky World—7/28/2012

The will of Yaweh/Allah—the last refuge of a killer:
"Asked if he regretted getting out of the car that night or owning a gun, Zimmerman said no. Asked if he would do anything differently, Zimmerman said no a third time, and added that Trayvon’s death was 'God’s plan.'"

The bare face of ass. If it had been left up to "Bob" he would have shot himself.

Speaking of shooting people, we had some excitement at a midnight premiere of the latest Batman movie this week. Lots of hilarity ensued as various mentally-challenged feebs shouted over one another to win the coveted Most Fucked Argument/Excuse/Explanation/Completely Irrelevant Aside Award™. There have been many entrants but few have made the final cut. Here are two of the better ones:

America's pASStor

Couldn't get a date on that or any other night

And the MFAEECIA™ Award goes to world-class douche Mike Adams, Editor of
"This is not your run-of-the-mill crime of passion. It was a carefully planned, heavily funded and technically advanced attack. Who might be behind all this? The FBI, of course, which has a long history of setting up and staging similar attacks, then stopping them right before they happen."
Natural News

I guess they forgot to stop this one. I'll bet you never expected an alternative health quack to be such a conspiracy theorist, huh?

Update: Mike gives us a double-dip with a follow-up post:
"Again, I'm not blaming the people there, I'm just bewildered that nobody fought back. It doesn't make sense. Unless, of course, the very fabric of American culture is now so passive and afraid that people have forgotten how to take action in the face of fear. 
"I think I speak for a great many concealed carry permit holders when I say that if I had been in that theater, I would have been emptying magazines in the direction of the threat (i.e. putting sights on target and repeatedly pulling the trigger). Like many concealed carry weapon holders, I would have turned that scene into what we sometimes jokingly call a 'two-way range.'"
Beautiful. It's almost as if he expects everyone to think exactly the way he does.

“This poll shows plain and simply how seriously out-of-step the leadership of the NRA is with its membership – and how, despite what previous polls say, there really is support for common sense gun laws in the U.S.”

But you can always lock up your guns, right? Well...
"Watch the video, in which a three year old is shown opening four different safes, three produced by Stack-On and one made by AMSEC."
"Depending on where the toilet is located, it can impact your health, your wealth, your standing in the community -- even your romance.  Because cleanliness is considered good luck in feng shui, it is important to keep this area clean"
Feng Shui Doctrine

"Mr Benhayon told The Sun-Herald he had no medical qualifications but stood by the effectiveness of his treatments, including 'esoteric breast massage' – administered only by women – and 'chakra-puncture'. His daughter, Natalie, 22, claims to be able to talk to women’s ovaries – for $70 an hour."
Sydney Morning Herald

"If Sarah Palin were black, her lack of intellectual curiosity, willful and cultivated ignorance, and lack of grace both written and spoken, would not be taken as 'folksy.' Instead, Palin would be viewed as unqualified for any public office."
We Are Respectable Negroes

"The BioAllergenix System is the culmination of 30 years of research in the allergy related field. The BioAllergenix System uses state-of-the-art technology in computerized biofeedback to screen for sensitivity to over 96,000 substances (allergens). This is accomplished using acupuncture points and electrodes to measure the body’s response to those substances. We can test for literally hundreds of substances at a time in just a few minutes. 
Treatment is accomplished by using a laser to stimulate acupuncture meridians and points. Through this process of neurological desensitization of the body's immune response, the patient's reactions are eliminated thereby desensitizing the patient to the allergen. Best of all, there are no needles, no shots, and no drugs!"
In other words, it's a crock of shit. If you watch the video on the company's site you'll notice that it lists a few more medical problems than the text on the page itself. Like autism. You got it, a blue laser cures autism.

"A mechanic has been arrested in Indore for reportedly keeping his wife’s genitals locked for four years. The incident only came to light when the victim tried to commit suicide yesterday and was rushed to hospital."
Indian Express

NDTV (video)

"UFO proponents and UFO skeptics all agree that the show is absurd, a travesty of 'UFO investigation' that makes everyone look bad. Indeed, some UFO proponents think that because the show is so bad, it must be a government plot  to embarass UFO researchers! Hard-core UFO proponent Robert Hastings quite appropriately says the show is 'investigation as farce.' He says that its 'entertainment-based formula may best be described as Blair Witch Project meets Inspector Clouseau. If the show’s producers are not secretly in cahoots with some intelligence agency to make legitimate UFO research look bad, by association, they have certainly achieved that outcome inadvertently.'"
Bad UFOs

Wait, he's filed a report from a another UFO laugh-fest:
"Jose Escamilla is well-known as the discoverer of flying 'rods,' originally called 'Roswell rods,' but known to most people as 'insects.' At this event, Escamilla was talking about his latest discoveries and film project, involving Moon conspiracies. Our moon, he explains, is not a grey-colored object as we have been led to believe. Our moon is a full color body, but NASA has only released black-and-white photos of it. However, an amateur astronomer in Texas named Bill Bryson has been able, using his telescope and a $68 Chinese-made camera, to reveal our moon in all its full-color glory."
Bad UFOs

"The City of Phoenix investigated neighbors’ repeated complaints and found numerous fire safety standards violations. Salman has repeatedly ignored opportunities to comply with fire safety standards. Whitehead responded: 'I don’t think God intended on us to obey unlawful ordinances. If so, He must be pleased with Hitler huh?'"
Turley's Blog

In another report it was stated that he had upwards of 80 people in his home. I wonder where they all parked?

So much for our chunk of the arctic:
"As Kerry and Lugar began their efforts in earnest, so too did far-right activists, who had irrational fears, based on little more than paranoia, that the measure would give the United Nations power over American laws. Fox News and other conservative media outlets soon began trumpeting the talking points, which were aggressively pushed by John Bolton and other extremists, that our 'sovereignty' was being put at risk by treaty backers, including the U.S. military. 
"Henry Kissinger, George Shultz, James Baker, Colin Powell, and Condoleezza Rice -- Republican Secretaries of State from Republican administrations -- wrote an op-ed, urging Senate ratification, but GOP senators were more inclined to listen to Dick Morris."
Rachel Maddow

"But some lawmakers don’t want coal miners or their families to feel like they aren’t loved.  As long as the miners keep it in the coal, don’t complain about safety, or bother the rest of us when the dust chokes out their lungs, we can pretend that everything is A-OK in coal country U.S.A. To show their appreciation, lawmakers have written to the U.S. Postal Service’s Citizen’s Stamp Advisory Committee asking for a postage stamp commemorating the American Coal Miner."
The Pump Handle